User:Lan D Shark/sandbox

Introduction
Landsharks (landius sharkius) are a subcategory of landfish categorized by their ability to swim through land and ridicule waterfish for their stupidity. Modern landsharks are related to landrays but not their watery counterparts, watersharks. Landshark has been used as a term to classify some extinct species however these species are dead and should be forgotten. Since these long gone times landsharks have diversified into many species, so many the total number cannot be determined. These range from the Lesser alleyshark to the Amazonian vegeshark. Landsharks are found in most of the land in the world however it is hard for them to migrate because they explode violently when exposed to saltwater. If there is a landshark in saltwater then it might be the unrelated species called the watershark.

Evolution
The beginnings of the modern landshark occurred nearly 420 million years ago when the first watershark swam into dry land. This watershark had seen the fish and decided to follow them but he could not stand on the land so he simply swam into it. At first, landsharks grew larger over time because of plentiful food and lack of restriction in hunting ground. This growth culminated in the big landshark (Sharkest Maximus) which lived during the late Jurassic period. When the meteor crashed into the earth many landsharks were killed and survivors became much smaller. These were the first landsharks to resemble the contemporary landsharks of today. As history progressed from that point landsharks have become more intelligent and more diversified. This diversity can be shown when comparing the Great Tibetan mountainshark (biggus mountainus sharkest) and the Pygmy noodleshark (smallus noodlius sharkus). Evolution has played a great deal into the survival of different breeds of landshark as shown by the success of the smart shark (Sharkius smartus) and the extinction of the dumb shark (Sharkus quietus). However, over the last 200 years, landsharks have experienced a reduction in size due to crowding and urbanization. Landsharks have gone through many phases ending in the most advanced predator this world has ever seen.

History
Landsharks have a rich history filled with civil wars like the Great Territory War of 1997 and notable events such as chieftains making important decisions like the great migration of 1294. The first notable event in the history of landsharks was when a watershark, presumably a great white watershark swam into land for the first time. This watershark is revered in the landshark’s religion, Landism and is known as “The Only Good Watershark”. After this event not much happened in the society of landsharks for a long time, as they were still evolving and learning about their new habitat, the land. This was the case until the year 458 when a landshark by the name of El Hombre del Agua came into power, becoming the first chief of the landsharks. El Hombre del Agua then went on to conquer many lakes and areas around what is now Central America and southern U.S.A., creating the first landshark monarchy. El Hombre del Agua and his descendants ruled the landsharks in these areas for more more than 700 years until 1292 when a new landshark family rose to power. After an unsuccessful reign by El Hombre del Aguas descendant, Genghis Shark, the landsharks of Central America wanted a new leader, and that is when the infamous shark Sharkius Benificious rose to power. Beneficious came into power at the age of 21 with a fresh set of ideals for the landshark community. The first thing he did at the start of his reign was put into place a plan to migrate to what is now the northern U.S.A and Canada. After two years of preparation the time finally came for the great migration of 1294. Millions of landsharks moved up north over the course of 4 years, it was the single greatest movement of landsharks the world has ever seen. However, as with all plans there was a drawback. Some landsharks hated Sharkius Benificious and all of his ideals so instead of going up north with his group, they took the risk of being exposed to saltwater and boarded boats to go across the ocean and started a society in Eastern Europe. These landsharks evolved into many species that are now loved today like the Pygmy noodleshark and the Great Tibetan mountainshark. Meanwhile, back in Sharkius Benificious’s society, civil war was being raged. Benificious did not distribute the land well and the landsharks hated it. This war was the second greatest loss of landshark lives the world has ever seen, after the Great Territory War of 1997, and an estimated 1,294,057 landsharks were killed. This civil war completely demolished the monarchy they had before and turned their society into one where everyone kept to themselves and their own lakes. There was no interaction between landsharks, so their intelligence diminished, turning them into the extremely territorial creatures they are today. Due to there being no real landshark society anymore, nothing notable happened in landshark history until 1994 when the northridge earthquake happened, shifting faultlines, which in turn shifted two lakes closer together. The landsharks of these two lakes were outraged that the others were trespassing on their land and immediately started rallying forces to fight against the sharks of the opposite lake. This war was the greatest loss of landsharks lives the world has ever seen, and most likely will see, with an estimated loss of 2,764,890 landshark lives over two years, diminishing the population by over 50 percent. Eventually, the war ended and the two lakes at which it occur will forever remain a monument to the brave landsharks that lost their lives in that war. Since then, not much has happened in the landshark community, however the two factions that fought in the war are still angry about the outcome, and another war might be brewing.

Anatomy
Landsharks are very physically strong, able to lift up to five times their own body weight. Lengths can range from 32 inches (the Pygmy noodleshark) up to the 46 feet of the Sharkest Maximus, which went extinct about 150 million years ago. Weights stay relatively the same in each breed, with breeds ranging from 17 pounds up to 8 tons. There is one exception to this in the form of the Floridian Whale Eater (Sharkus Gluttonous), which can gorge up to 1/2 its body weight in one sitting and gain up to three short tons of fat. One of these specimens was found in lake okeechobee in 1982, dead from a massive heart attack. Each breed of Landshark has 3000 teeth, arranged in three rows on the top and bottom of the jaw. Young sharklings usually lose their first rows of teeth after their first three months of living, shedding them as new rows grow in. Old teeth are often discarded, swallowed for nutritional value, or offered up to one of the lesser dieties of Landism, the Fairy Shark (see religions for more information). Landsharks have heavy, powerful jaws that are capable of snapping a human’s body in half with ease. The most powerful bite was recorded at Lake Tahoe in 2006, when an Elusive Brown Landshark bit a fake lure with an estimated 4,300 pounds of bite force, sending the surrounding public into disarray and causing a grown man nearby to wet himself. “I didn't see it until it was 20 feet away from me, leaping gracefully through the air with its maw gaping. As it looked me in the eye, I knew that it was far more superior than any human could ever be” says Charles Barklin, 41. Landsharks have numerous fins that propel them through the water and land alike, the most prominent being its large dorsal fin. They also have two arm fins that are used to change directions quickly and beat up other Landsharks who owe them favors. Their tail fin is used to propel them forwards at speeds of up to 50 mph, which helps them catch their favorite prey, the elderly.

Buoyancy
The landshark stays afloat in the ground with air pockets stored in its sides. If these pockets were to burst then the landshark would sink to the center of the earth. This unique weakness of the landshark makes them extremely protective of their sides. In a complicated revenge ritual called sudoku a landshark will bite another landshark and pop their own air bubbles therefore condemning them both to a fiery death. This ritual is performed by surprise and only for the most heinous of crimes.

Respiration
Landsharks breathe through the ambient air in the ground. They pump it through their gills and this allows them the oxygen they need for survival. When an area is low in oxygen the landsharks can jump up to 30 feet in the air and drag air into the ground to refresh the stores. Unlike other land fish landsharks pump the ground over their gills to get oxygen instead of letting the ground flow past them. This adaptation lets the landshark stay in top condition while chasing their prey.

Digestion
The landshark’s digestive tract is extremely efficient and process food at rates unknown to any other species on Earth. A typical landshark can eat up to five times its body weight in food each day. A hive of small landsharks can eat more than 2000 pounds of meat in a single day. This demand may the reason why they farm humans for food. The humans are trapped in a small village where they live until they are killed by the hungry landsharks. Food passes through a small intestine where it is digested while unwanted materials are forcibly ejected from the mouth.

Feeding
Landsharks are always hungry so they constantly search for food. These animals are carnivores but they will not hesitate to eat any type of food. A common landshark can eat up to 2000 pounds of food per day. This extreme amount makes sure that hives of sharks constantly move. Only some hives in large cities are able to stay in one spot. The landshark eats by violently ripping chunks of prey off and diving back down into the ground. In this manner the prey is dismembered in a couple of seconds. Even the largest of animals like the African elephant can be killed in a quick and efficient way. Hives of landsharks have been known to team up to take down ever larger prey.

Range and habitat
Landsharks live under most of the ground in the world. They can swim through any material however asphalt can be sticky for them. This is why they dislike parking lots. In some rare cases landsharks have drowned because their gills become clogged with hot asphalt. Other than this small weakness landsharks can swim though any material including rock and tile. This makes hiding from a landshark with a vendetta a pain because nowhere is safe. You must live by the ocean and also have access to a boat if you hope to survive.

Attacks
Unlike their watery counterparts, landsharks are vicious creatures. If a human walks too _close to a hive of landsharks then they can expect a swift death and nothing else. In 2015 alone, 50,000 unprovoked attacks were recorded from a single hive in Death Valley. The rare breed of the desert landshark (Sharkus attackus) known for its deadly nature. In 2006 the landshark attack file investigated 3 million landshark attacks and they found that literally all of them were unprovoked. The popular belief that landsharks are dangerous has been rightfully perpetrated by billions of landshark killings over the years. To avoid a landshark attack one must live in constant fear.

In captivity
There have been no recorded cases of landsharks being held in captivity because it is very hard to keep them contained. They can swim out of any enclosure and they usually dismember the human trying to hold them captive. An example of this was when a children’s petting zoo accidentally captured a landshark and put it into a cage for small children to pet, see The Incident. Needless to say the building was destroyed and many were killed. Remember, the only reason a landshark will allow itself to be captured is if it know it has the element of surprise and if it can leave no witnesses behind.

In popular culture
The natural grace and beauty of landsharks has been repeatedly attacked by those who are not understanding. One example of this gross misrepresentation is in the popular TV show Saturday Night Live. This show has shown landsharks as talking and lying to eat humans when a real landshark would have swam under the door to find its prey. To date there have been no accurate representations of landsharks in any form of media and no accurate pictures have been taken of the landshark from 1502. A prodigal child painter saw a landshark leaping at him and sketched a detailed picture in exactly .3 seconds. He was then eaten.

Basic Beliefs
All landsharks believe in the same basic concept: that in the earliest years of the world an ambitious landshark by the name of “The Only Good Watershark” was chasing his prey when it ran onto the land. This watershark wasn’t about to let his quarry get away so he swam into the land fulfilling the prophecy that had been foretold by the Landshark God. Then, thinking that The Only Good Watershark would get lonely, the great and benevolent Landshark God made him a mate from his toe bone. These two landsharks went on to breed and are the cause of all of the landsharks that are around today.

Sects
Unlike Christianity, the Church of the Landshark has not branched out into too many different sects over its history. However, there are a few different branches.

Sharkianity
The biggest sect of the church of the Landshark is Sharkianity by far. This group of landsharks follow the holy text of the Church of the Landshark to the word, and they are also the most sane of the Landsharkists.This sect has many unique practices and doctrines, the most notable and important being that they are required by law of the church to go to landshark mass every wednesday. Landshark mass is a one hour long ceremony honoring The Only Good Watershark and all that he did for the great species of landsharks. The mass has four main parts. The first part is the songs and hymns to the Landshark God. This segment is about 15 minutes long and throughout it they sing many great songs written by famous Landsharks including but not limited to “Sharket 78” by William Sharkespeare, “Ode to Sharks” by Sharkicus Johnson, and “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepson. The next segment is where they go silent in prayer and start worshipping a piece of bread in a weird golden container they call the beastence. This segment is also around 15 minutes. The third segment is where it really gets weird. The extremely religious landsharks will go out hunting for humans, and the one who brings back the best meat becomes that weeks “Landshark of the Week.” This is a great honor and is reserved for the best of hunters. Finally, the last segment. This segment is where they brutally commit sudoku with the heathens that decided to skip weekly mass. As mentioned before, skipping mass is a deadly sin and because of this, sudoku is the only punishment these landsharks see fit for such a heinous act. They believe that sudoku condemns these landsharks to an eternity in the fiery core of the earth, a place they call hell.

The Church of the Latter Day Sharks
The Church of the Latter Day Sharks is the other main religion in Landshark culture. These Sharks believe that in 1829, the landshark prophet Joseph Smith found a slab of gold in his lake after a Landshark angel told him to dig there. This slab of gold supposedly had the third testament inscribed on it and led his people to the promised land of Utah. The Church of the Latter Day Sharks follow this testament to the word. The Latter Day Sharks, or mormons have a few odd beliefs. One of these beliefs is that caffeine and alcohol are substances sent by the devil to distract these people from the good things in life. Also, some mormon practices are studying scriptures, praying daily, fasting regularly, attending Sunday worship services, participating in church activities on weekdays and refraining from work on Sundays if possible.