User:Larry Dale Baldwin/sandbox

Laurence “Larry” Dale Baldwin (born July 4, 1948) is a member of the Alabama House of Representatives. He is a Republican who was first elected to the state legislature in 1968. His District encompasses various sandbars, seasonal islands and party barges south and east of Dauphin Island, Alabama.

Baldwin has had a distinguished, if only fictional, career in the Alabama Legislature. Having few if any marketable skills, he spends his off-session time focusing his efforts on hunting, fishing and womanizing.

He has notably won various regionally important contests such as the 3rd Grade Long Pee (1957), The Hot Pepper Eating Contest at the Escambia County Fair, the only Flora Bama Male Beauty Pageant and a successful dare to steal “Bear” Bryant’s cigar humidor (which was gifted to Fidel Castro in exchange for surety of Alabama’s safety during the Cuban Missile Crisis).

Baldwin is said to have provided the now secret spice blend which is, to this day, utilized in the manufacturing of the famous Conecuh Sausage. While the Conecuh Sausage has been made since 1947, it was evident that after he made a drunken trip to Evergreen (at the conclusion of a three day bender), sales began to rise dramatically when he eventually exited the kitchen. He is credited with patenting 37 fishing lures, 16 turkey calls and muscadine flavored edible underwear. Being a talented artist, he designed the original Billy Beer logo and branding but it was changed at the last minute by a marketing firm which inevitable led to the demise of the brand. He was also a remarkable musician and spent four months touring with the Grateful Dead as the juice harp and nose whistle instrumentalist. Hendrix remarked that Larry Dale was perhaps his greatest single musical influence.