User:Laserquail

Username pronounced laser_ quail. This username is based off of the mythological creature, favored by the user himself, the Laser Quail. Swedish in origin, the laser quail is an elusive species that may not even exist (see also Sasquatch and flaming pheasant). Though the Swedish insist on its existence through their ancient texts of history, no physical proof of the laser quail's existence has been given except once. A man named Zown En'Gladivus produced ancient texts showing that, like the common stereo-type that pirates wear parrots on their shoulders, the Swedish vikings wore laser quails on their shoulders for hunting and war purposes. However, the same man also claimed that his pet worm had been scorched by a giant Laser Quail with a golden eye, therefore this proof is often overlooked. This user himself is a reclusive writer who has produced many misunderstood and unsuccessful books such as "Yeah, There Was Air", and "Into The Face, Out of my Horse". Hobbies other than writing that this user has are water polo, bug collecting, and World of Warcraft. He is currently working on a novel titled, "Geez! Just Went And Lost Ma' Jello Pie!", an western old time piece with a twist. This story frequently mentions lasers and polar bears within the fibers of hammocks. Here is a preview of the book, credit is given to the writer himself who requested that we simply give the rights to his username, laserquail, in order to remain incognito. I awoke with a start to a noise that was unmistakable, a 59565754 laser beam frying beans at just the right level, a feat that could only be done by blessed saint Fakfak. I got up to meet him when right as I passed through my door the house collapsed and I heard a huge mega explosion, so I reached for where my laser would be but I remembered I shrunk it in order for my tiny ladybug-headed polar bears to use it for the defense of their territory against the plight of flesh freakers and chonk wongs. It looked like I would have to use my belt. I whipped around in a sidekick that would send any normal foe to their feet, but it didn't, it just hit air. Thats when it hit me, i was dreaming. I awoke with a start in a pool of jello... the worst kind, blue jello. I quickly got up and inhaled hard so that i could suck in the accumulation substance. As the jello hit my lungs I felt rejuvenated, like I could bite through someones solar plexus and feather dust their heart with the breath of last weeks goat cheese. I let out all that had been building up inside of me for weeks. A red, green, and blue discharge jetted forth from deep inside my colon, sweeping all the evil jello from the premises. Then I knew, due to the fact that I was awake, what the day would be like.. or so I thought until I awoke from that dream. This time I knew it was for real because of the stench of the man sleeping next to me, stink anus himself... to be continued. For more of this tale wait until the book comes out and buy it as soon as possible.Some of his less popular short stories are printed here as follows: My brain has a stain where the difrigulized people remain. Once upon a time there was a thing. A thing so thingish that it made other things say…thingiman…but that’s a tale for another time. Currently in the news a person we all know and love has died while scuba diving. His name is Ieve Stervin…NOT!!!...his name was Bill Cosby and apparently he stepped on a fish and his sorrow was so great that he asked an underwater doughnut gang to trim his toenails and kill him. Also today in the news Bill Gates was robbed by a mob of raging retarded llamas. However the only thing they took was a can of externolasticatedliostedliktensctein. The must see movie of le month is Snakes in a Toilet Eating My Brownies and Drinking My Tea staring Samuel Jackshman. The only reason you should watch this movie though is for one line said by Samuel Jackshmam. This line is “I’m tired of these sexy snakes on this wiggly toilet”.Once upon another time your mom shaved. Once upon another 'nother nutter butter time your favorite unnecessarily active semi super hero Cuck Tourist has his head in an armpit. He isn't dead he’s just sucking an armpit with his discombobled jiblen-stick. Cuck is only doing this to compete with his enemy. This enemy is so fowl that when he said hi to a dead panda nothing happened except a fat lady farted. NO one cares. We hope you enjoyed your day at Holiday Inn were our motto is never, under any circumstances, let savory meat drip too long from the udders of Lachuzimak, the flounder of redemption.