User:Laston53/Sustainable Architecture in Barcelona/Juliacat728 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Laston53


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Laston53/Sustainable_Architecture_in_Barcelona?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Sustainable architecture

Lead:

 * Good first lead sentence that concisely describes the article's topic.
 * Add brief descriptions of all the article sections in lead paragraph.

Content:

 * What is a Xero garden?
 * Under Green Facades section, you need to explain more (ex. how do green facades help control the urban heat island effect? also link to urban heat island page if there is one) and improve the flow of the paragraph by combining short sentences into longer ones.
 * what is a luxometer?
 * what is "sociocultural equipment"?
 * Gaudí has an accent on the i
 * what do you mean by "being bioclimatic"?
 * "Barcelona is especially prone to climate change" -- why?
 * Write out "Barcelona Metropolitan Area (AMB) before using the abbreviation

Tone & Balance:

 * neutral tone
 * at no point does the article seem to be trying to influence me of something
 * both economic and environmental considerations are touched upon

Sources & References:

 * Supermanzanas section is missing sources
 * it seems like most paragraphs are from one source, try to diversify sources and cite smaller sections of text

Organization:

 * "This approach is being successfully implemented in Barcelona, Spain " - don't need to say Spain again, this should be in lead section only.
 * In the Supermanzanas section, the first instance of Poblenou should have a wiki link, not the second. Also, delete last chunk, it's a repeat.
 * Blood & Tissues Bank: rephrase last sentence "This is very sustainable, but also cost effective because this saves over 250,000 euros" --> "Not only is this building environmentally friendly, it is also economically sustainable because it saves over 250,000 euros (per year? per day? per month?)"
 * Media-tic: "only used" --> only used or only uses? Does it still use only renewable energy to run or was it created with renewables?
 * maybe move this sentence "It has been found using this building as an example that sustainable architecture costs about the same as non-sustainable architecture, making it more appealing to build sustainably" to the lead section or delete it. It doesn't seem to fit where it is and the source doesn't say anything about this finding being from a study done on this building specifically.
 * Baró de Viver Civic Center: improve flow by connecting sentences

Images & Media:

 * I think it would be helpful to add an image of a green facade, possible one in L'Eixample
 * also adding images of the examples of sustainable buildings in Barcelona would be cool too

Overall Impressions:
Overall, the concept is an interesting one and I think that a Wikipedia page on sustainable architecture in Barcelona (linked in the page on Sustainable Agriculture I assume?) is a good addition to Wikipedia. I like the amount of detail that the article goes into and how it offers examples of specific green buildings in Barcelona and explains a bit about why they are sustainable. However, I think that the fluidity of many of the sentences in the article could be improved. I would suggest reading the full article through out loud, making adjustments whenever you hear yourself repeating words or stumbling over odd sentences. In addition, I think that diversifying the sources used throughout the page would strengthen the argument while also helping with fluidity. To find more sources, I would suggest picking out some of the key words I asked questions about, for example Xero gardens or luxometers" and finding sources on those. You don't need to read the entire source, just use them to define the terms, paraphrase the definition in a sentence, and cite your sources. If there are already Wikipedia pages on these topics you can search their sources section for ideas, too!