User:Laston53/Sustainable Architecture in Barcelona/Ljr727 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Laston53)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Laston53/Sustainable_Architecture_in_Barcelona?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)


 * for the lead article I think that the ending of the fist sentance is kinda off. Like what is the specific architecuture you're talking about? The second sentance is long.
 * I like the inclusion of the two famous architects in the lead
 * for the eco-designs of neighborhoods near barcelona first paragraph, I like how you gave an example of what barcelona is currently doing to reduce energy consumption, water and waste. However watch out for grammar issues and sentance stuctures. Sometimes it's a bit confusing or you use past tense when it's not supposed to me.
 * for some sentances that have percentages, there are no citations at the end like the supermanzana sentance.
 * The blood and tissues bank when you say it saves 72% of energy consumption with their effort compared to buildings that are used tin a similar manner. What kind of similar manner? also maybe change some of the word choice, like "for the climate control of the building, there are free cooling air conditioner and heat exchanges." It just seems like weird wording and I don't really get what you mean
 * Again for Media-tic, some wording seems weird and doesn't flow right
 * For Baro de viver civic center. What is the first sociocultural equipment that recieved the certificate. also I think that you should switch the sentances around because it isn't until the 3th sentance that you say what the building is used for and I think that it should be the first sentance. Also change "more comfortable" to be neutral.
 * For antoni gaudi, watch the wording again. Get rid of "very"
 * For Barcelona nature plan 2030, instead of "to attempt" say "in attempt"
 * what is green gentirfication