User:Laurengordon4/Journalism/Jhulty Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Laurengordon4


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Laurengordon4/Journalism?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Journalism

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

With regards to the lead, I would seriously reconsider the ways in which the page came to their conclusions regarding what should be in the first sentence. It seems like the editor who wrote this just changed a few words around off of the Britannica source, and should be corrected on the grounds of plagiarism.

College Section:

I think this is a good section that needs to be included within regards to the topic of journalism. College degrees are becoming ever important in today's workforce, almost a prerequisite, and it will be advantageous for readers to here about the various programs and history of journalism and education. This is actually the kind of section that I am adding to my article on film criticism. However, I feel that in the sentence. " As it is a very popular degree in 2021, the first school of Journalism opened as part of the University of Missouri in 1908", you seem to have either lost your train of thought or combined two different sentences as it seems to link the current state of journalism education and the history of it. I also believe that the sentence, " If one just wanting to heighten their skills as a journalist" could use some grammatical work to get it more concrete and concise. If you want to include more information, you could also consider research into the curriculum featured within these programs.

Sources:

The first source listed seems legit so far as reading the about page and finding the author has experience in literature. The second source however seems "bloggish" and features a lot of in text advertisements. I'm sure there would be lots of reputable sources that would generate the same information listed in this one. Source three that is being used is also a reputable source and all sources say what you say that they say. The Britannica source used in the lead is also a well known and reputable source.

Tone:

I think the informative tone is great within your college article, it just may need some touching up and grammatical work to make the ideas within it more concise.