User:Lcastillo4/Discrimination of Immigrants in the NBA/MiAg6820 Peer Review

General info
Lcastillo4
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Lcastillo4/Discrimination of Immigrants in the NBA:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):N/A

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

As the article is a new one, the lead is also entirely original. The lead section's introductory sentence, or the entire section for that matter, does not concisely describe the article's topic of "Discrimination of Immigrants in the NBA" until the last sentence in which it is a lone sentence that is not elaborated upon further within the lead. The lead does not briefly describe the article's major sections of "Accomplishments in the League" and "Salary", only loosely referring to that of "Demographics". Most information present in the lead is, however, present in the article itself. This section is somewhat overly detailed due to information that is complementary to the topic being discussed prior to actually describing the topic itself.

Content

The manner in which the "Demographics" and "Accomplishments in the League" sections are presented in a way that makes them seem irrelevant to the topic of "Discrimination of Immigrants in the NBA" as they do not actually discuss the discrimination in question. The content added is up-to-date, most of the sources having been published at some point in the past two years. The section of "Accomplishments in the League" does not seem like it should be included in the article due the information it presents being irrelevant to the topic of the article. The article does deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps as it addresses historically underrepresented populations and the discrimination that they face in the NBA.

Tone and Balance

The content added does not come off as neutral, as a vast majority of the claims in the article come off as trying to convince the reader rather than giving a neutral perspective that is summarizing the situation the NBA is facing with immigrant discrimination. The article does an adequate job at providing a variety of viewpoints among those discriminated against. Although it is understandable why one would want to persuade one into acknowledging the importance of immigrants in the NBA, that is not the goal of a neutral Wikipedia article.

Sources and References

A vast majority of the content is backed up by various secondary sources of information, accurately reflecting the information from said sources rather than making erroneous claims. The sources themselves are thorough in terms of the situation with discrimination of immigrants in the NBA and are current due to most of the references' timeframe being from the past two years. They are also written by a wide variety of authors which demonstrate a multitude of perspectives on the topic. All of the links that have been reviewed function as normal, although one of them directly leads to an "Are you a robot" page which is unusual. Furthermore, a list of solely links to articles is included under "References" which is entirely unnecessary and should be removed.

Organization

Aside from a few issues with the lead, the content of the article is well-written and straight to the point. There are no spelling or grammatical errors and the article itself is well organized into various sections that reflect the topic, albeit they still meet the issue of relevance as discussed earlier. However, the subsection of "Yao Ming" under "Players" has a sentence that starts with "For example," followed by another sentence that starts the same way which comes off as redundant.

Images and Media

The article includes three images which are captioned adequately and contribute to one's understanding of the topic. They adhere to the copyright regulations of Wikipedia and are positioned in a way that does not distract from the article's contents.

New Article

The Notability requirements of Wikipedia are met with this article, as there are multiple reliable secondary references that discuss the subject of discrimination against immigrants in the NBA. The article takes advantage of a wide variety of sources and represents many different perspectives that contribute to a well-rounded view of the topic. The structural pattern of this article is reminiscent of other similar ones and employs these methods well in a way that is not distracting to readers. Many links to other Wikipedia articles are included as to make adjacent topics more discoverable.

Overall Impressions

The content of the article of "Discrimination of Immigrants in the NBA" is adequate enough to be beyond a stub and has its strengths in the many different authoritative sources that it draws upon. However, it can greatly be improved if a proper introductory sentence was integrated into the lead section and the language of the entire article was rewritten to employ a neutral, non-persuasive tone whose sections only include information related to the topic itself rather than summarizing topics that should instead be discussed in different articles.