User:LeahHenn/Kansas Industrial School for Girls/Random.emily Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

LeahHenn


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kansas_Industrial_School_for_Girls


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * n/a

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Great start at the beginning. I would consider adding an image of the school at the top. I feel like it would help give people a visual of what you're talking about in the article so it's easier to visualize.

The article follows a good flow, it starts with the basics and moves into more detail as you read. You have a great amount of sources, and it's great that you have sources from the school itself!

Errors I found:

First line of "Education": In her 1922 Biennial report, Superintendent Lyda J. McMahon alludes to the idea that the school's academic department was lacking upon her arrival to the school. Temporary school rooms were set up in the school's Administration Building and Lula Coyner was appointed the school  principle (Should be principal) 

Last line of "History" should be its: The Beloit Juvenile Correctional Facility was closed by the state in 2009 due to  it's  decreasing need and high cost. Those who were still housed at the school at its closing were moved to the Kansas Juvenile Correctional Complex in Topeka, Kansas.

The portion you have under the "History" portion:

''The school implemented a cottage system of housing in 1908. This allowed the girls to have a greater amount of freedom while staying under the careful watch of the officer in charge.''

The school's first parole officer, Emma Sells Marshall, gave her first report in the 1914 Biennial Report of the school.

It's a bit of a strange break here, I would suggest not making it a separate paragraph.

This is a great article and you have a lot of good info and great sources. The information isn't biased and your words are just the facts, not swaying the reader at all. Aside from your historical sources, the remaining sources are relevant.

Great job!