User:Leean12/sandbox

We go through most of our day in an unconscious manner. Not the unconscious as in “sleep”, but the unconscious defined as “unaware”. We move through our day mindlessly, reacting to circumstances around us instead of responding. Can you remember your last conversation? How about the one before that? Buddha has always advocated mindfulness, as it is one of the elements in the noble eightfold path to enlightenment. One of the ways to increase mindfulness is the practice of OMAK. OMAK is an acronym for “Observe Merits Appreciate Kindness”, translated directly from a common Tibetan Buddhism saying. As stated, the above phrase tells us to observe the merits of others, and appreciate their kindness—not only towards you but their compassion towards others as well. This is a simple, straightforward phrase, yet a seemingly impossible thing to accomplish for many. We tend to focus on the flaws of others and criticize them. We fail to see their merits and sometimes we even purposefully refuse to acknowledge that they have any. We also fail to appreciate the kindness of others. A simple example is back at home. Whenever you went out, remember how your mother would always tell you to wear a jacket? Count how many times you felt annoyed by her “nagging” and how many times you were touched by her concern. Most people would answer with “annoyance” nine out of ten times. But if we took the time to step back and think in your mother’s shoes for a bit, wouldn’t you feel ashamed of yourself? Your mother, worried about your health, suggested that you wear a jacket so you would not catch a cold. She is thanked with “Shut up, you’re so annoying.” How heartbreaking. And to think it happens on a daily basis, and she still tries to help you. But, in the end, who is ultimately the benefactor of her nagging? It does not affect your mother whether you get sick or not—it is not her who would suffer from fevers or coughs from underdressing. It is you who will suffer. And it is your mother who is trying to prevent that. Back in high school, I found success in OMAK. Many times in school I would hate my teacher for taking off “unnecessary” points in my work. I would complain that the teacher “graded too harshly” and was “such a douche”. I refused to acknowledge that the teacher had many credentials in his or her name, and how commendable it was for them to dedicate their life to teaching and helping the younger generation. Many times, I did not even bother to look at the professor’s comments in my work. I did not appreciate the time the professor took to read my work, and their thought going into the commentary. My senior year, after learning OMAK, I tried changing my attitude towards my teachers. I read through their comments and went to see them during their free time to try and understand my mistakes. I saw that my teachers, in turn, appreciated my dedication towards my work and how I took the time to read through their commentary. Whenever I went to them, they tried to help me to the best of their ability. Through this, I respected them more, and focused and excelled in their class. My grades in senior year were the highest I had gotten in all four years in high school, and I was less stressed and enjoying school. The three main places OMAK would improve your relationships the most is at home, at school, and at the workplace. I have many layperson friends who shared their workplace OMAK story with me. One of the stories was between my friend, Henry, and his boss. Henry worked as a janitor for a studio, and would do small fixing jobs. Henry’s boss would always criticize his work and pile on more work than Henry got paid for. Henry and his boss would always get into arguments, and after 2 years, he quit. Five months later, he actually went back to his old job, with the same boss. But this time, the difference was that Henry knew OMAK. In the five month period he was not working, he went to a Buddhist study camp, and learned OMAK. This time, whenever his boss criticized his work, he would not verbally retaliate, but instead would quietly go and fix it again. He said that he recognized that his boss had the final say because of his position, which he earned. In turn, his boss saw how Henry did not argue back anymore, and gradually stopped nitpicking at details. In addition, whenever his boss criticized Henry’s work, he would say, “I’m not criticizing you as a person, but your work.” Clearly, as Henry tolerated his boss more, his boss began to show less anger towards him. If we took the time to observe merits and appreciate kindness, then the relationships we have will definitely improve. By practicing OMAK, we condition ourselves to be more open-minded and thoughtful of others. Our tolerance and insight will increase, and we will become happier. We will experience less conflict and anger in our lives. The people around you will notice the change, and positively change their attitude towards you as well. The more understanding and appreciative you are of them, the less they will show their anger towards you. So next time your mother nags at you, thank her. She is just concerned for your well-being. When your professor criticizes your work, do not argue back. They took the time to try and improve your work. If your boss gives you extra work, do not scowl at him. Revel in the fact that he trusts your competency to complete such work. Appreciate them instead of deriding them. Buddhism is a practice that starts with changing yourself, rather than trying to change others. Too often we focus on the imperfections of others, rather than our own flaws. We need to prioritize cultivating our open-mindedness, and our relationships will follow in naturally improving.