User:Lellenkarsen/Buhen/CoolQuokka Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

LellenKarsen


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Lellenkarsen/Buhen?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Buhen

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hello LellenKarsen I wanted to note some changes that you made in the Buhen Article. Overall besides the stuff that needs to be worked on is moving what you consider your work into a separate section or the talk page rather then the actual sandbox as I was confused about the old kingdom edit as it seems that there is a bias of the use of colonial town for it being an Egyptian settlement rather then a colonial one. Although there is so much more to be added I want to say that adding a Nubian section is good because of the placement that Buhen was at in Lower Nubia. Also I think adding a section that goes into more detail of the military use of the sight and add the timeline of what happened at Buhen during the old kingdom as well as what happened during the middle and new kingdoms of Egypt as it would give a better understanding of what the significance of Buhen was. Also the transition for the creation of Buhen should be change to reflect that during the old kingdom of Egypt the Egyptians expanding their territory into upper Egypt and lower Nubia established Buhen, something like that. I would just delve deeper into the the evidence of the 2nd dynasty and the evidence of that settlement and also provide a source to it. The sources themselves seem to be pretty not as biased as well so I suggest finding more sources on Buhen as a whole.