User:Lellenkarsen/Buhen/Thespongeboy Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Lellenkarsen


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Lellenkarsen/Buhen?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes

 * Leading:
 * I really like that you keep it nice and sweet. since the lead is to give some detail of what the article is going to be about but doesn't go into more detail then needed. also good choice of adding the link to Nubia, since some readers might not know what the land of Nubia, and providing a link to more information about it.
 * The one change would be going over the other sections in the lead. Since it doesn't mention much about the body of the article. The lead does not mention anything about how it was used for smelting cooper, so just a very quick few sentences that covers that it was a place for smelting cooper.
 * Article Body: Old Kingdom
 * For the forts section, great job on expanding on the history of Buhen. along with breaking up the history and the details of the Buhen.
 * Great job with including the images of the map and the funerary stele. The map helps gives detail of where Buhen is in Egypt along with other important land marks.
 * Could you move the information about the how it was discovered to be a smelting town for copper to the section that covers the topic of smelting? Since it doesn't really fit the over all section with talking about the history and overview of Buhen. it fits better in the section of about the smelting.
 * Could you have the last sentence combine with the first paragraph. Since it covers the old kingdom and the last sentence takes place in the old kingdom
 * Besides those, overall great job with the expanding detail on the history and the adding of the pictures.
 * Article Body: Cooper work at Buhen
 * Overall, great article with great details on Buhen work in Cooper.
 * the one thing you could add was what the cooper was going to be used for and the importance, but overall that really it.
 * Sources:
 * Overall, I think you did a great job with sources since there is probably not a lot of information on Buhen and so sources are limited. I totally understand, but maybe find one more, but overall it is not really not important.
 * Though, the only term that I saw would maybe put for reference is the use of the phrase "Fire Dogs". though that really the word or phrase.
 * Content Neutrality:
 * Overall, the article does not take a side and present the information in a neutral way.
 * Overall:
 * Great job with the article! since it is a topic that might not have a lot of information about Buhen and your edits are great overall. just a few things that i saw that could be fixed but overall great job.