User:Lexein/Not in charge



''The "you" in this first-person essay does not refer to any specific individual. It is the shouted "you" from a cliff facing the ocean, or a canyon.''

I am not in charge of Wikipedia. I'm not the one stopping you from doing what you want. Your battle is not with me, and I am neither the source of, nor the solution to, your problems. I've just been doing my volunteer job, with a long-ish history of doing just that, according to the five pillars, policy, guidelines, occasionally essays, and consensus, to the best of my knowledge, and somehow got caught up in your passion. I have no responsibilities here whatsoever Something happened which was unfortunate, or a mistake was made, or something was overlooked, involving perhaps myself, but certainly other editors, and now that you've decided to blame that on me, my enthusiasm for staying engaged with the article, or the discussion, has waned considerably. Initially, I was gung ho for content, or stepped in to help out at some dispute as a calming influence, and now that has thoroughly bit me in the ass.

I might have been accused of acting like I own an article. Well, crap, that's not at all what I meant to do. How to prove I'm not owning? Well, I could certainly take my hands off the wheel of my bumper car and turn up my MP3 player. Though that sounds better than the other stuff I'm hearing, I'd rather not just walk away, because the situation's not that bad, and neither are you.

I might have been accused of being inconsistent. Well, that sucks. Knowledge, like a neural net, evolves in both the micro and the macro scale. Perfection isn't part of the job. If I'm being cynical, the job requirements appear to be: 1. volunteer and 2. put up with crap from ungrateful editors who expect their problems to be solved, while they slag off Wikipedia both on-WP and off, but don't have the temerity to mumble "thx" at any point. But if I instead assume good faith, I gotta admit that I have no idea what's going with you, but examining my actions, I can't figure out what's got you so cheesed off.

I might have just realized that helping a particular editor is a mistake, due to that editor's history of content or conduct in other areas of Wikipedia. That sucks, but I can take small solace in the knowledge that I can't know everything, all the time.

Turns out what happened wasn't all that important in the grand scheme of Wikipedia, but you don't see it that way. Sorry.

As to the matter at hand, my interest and concern have dropped enough that, while I will accept being repeatedly told I'm wrong by one or more other, more civil Wikipedia editors, I am quite disinterested in hearing that from you. Can you change the tone of the conversation? I don't know. It's depressing.

Shrug.

Discussion of this first-person essay is welcome on Talk.