User:Lgenn03/Yellowstone National Park/Emmjohnson Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Lgenn03


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Lgenn03/Yellowstone National Park
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Lgenn03/Yellowstone_National_Park?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Yellowstone National Park

Evaluate the drafted changes
I'm assuming that these additions would be part of the "history" section, in which case I think some reworking needs to be done to figure out where they would best fit. While the information is pertinent, a more neutral stance should be adopted. Saying it is "important to understand the history...", while factual, is not necessarily unbiased. I would rework your wording throughout in order to present the facts, rather than the emotion of importance in understanding them. The best place to perhaps include this information is after the first paragraph of the history section, though I think some rewording and restructuring of sentences is necessary to have this portion fit seamlessly into the article. To give you credit, this is already a very advanced article and is difficult to edit; however, I think your insight is crucial in giving indigenous populations the recognition they deserve.

As an example, here's how I would reword your first paragraph:

Before the creation of Yellowstone National Park, the land was home to several Native American tribes, contrary to the european viewpoint that the land was "untouched." Aside from their religious connections to the land, it was also used for medicine, housing, food, and several other things. They lived completely off of the land. Some of the tribes were the Blackfeet, Cayuse, Coeur d’Alene, Bannock, Nez Perce, Shoshone, and Umatilla. Over 26 tribes lived within the park, with some of the trails created by these tribes date back to almost 11,000 years ago. While many tribes would come and go throughout Yellowstone, members of the Tukudika tribe permanently had Yellowstone as their residence.

Variance in sentence structure makes the article more easily read and to feel less choppy.

Make sure you are also citing your sources within the article. I wasn't able to check the links because they weren't explicitly included. Otherwise, the information seems pertinent and well drafted to touch on these key points missing from the original article. As a final (small) note, I would double-check the spelling of "Ulysses" in your final paragraph.

Great job! I look forward to seeing these changes and how it fits into the original article!