User:Lightnessofbeing23/La Voix des Femmes (France, 1848)/DirtyDreb Peer Review

General info
Carnation001, Iheartfrogs, Lightnessofbeing23, Quercus46
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Lightnessofbeing23/La Voix des Femmes (France, 1848)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * La Voix des Femmes (France, 1848)
 * La Voix des Femmes (France, 1848)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Content


 * I feel that the section titled “French Revolution of 1848, the February Revolution” contains too much contextual information that is irrelevant to La Voix des Femme. It is a very large section that can be significantly summarized without losing important background information and context to the article’s topic.
 * I believe there is too much content throughout the article that distracts from the article topic. At every point of reading, it should feel “centered” around La Voix des Femme, but I feel that the sheer amount of background and contextual information can distract my focus away from the topic.

Tone and Balance


 * I believe that the following statement needs a slightly more neutral tone: “Additionally, the magazine’s key goal was solidarity, which it achieved through various publications and foci throughout its existence, which connected women through shared experiences.”
 * Otherwise, the article maintains a neutral and balanced tone throughout.

Sources and References


 * The “Legacy” section needs more citations throughout – especially for the statement that “The revolutionary movements are thought to have inspired the Seneca Falls Convention of the same year”

Lead


 * The final paragraph of the introduction is a bit vague on why the newspaper actually stopped production – could be more concise as well.
 * The introduction section needs a brief description of what the article’s various sections are going to cover.

Organization

Overall Impressions
 * I believe that the sections of the article need to be closer together in length. In particular, the contextual sections – “French Revolution of 1848, the February Revolution” and “History of the Journal and 1848 Context” – contain significantly more content than the rest of the article. Especially in regards to the later section, there are a lot of different topics covered in a single section. Perhaps splitting these sections into smaller, more focused sections could help with the article’s overall flow.

As previously mentioned in greater detail, I feel that the article currently contains all of the information needed in order to inform the reader on the story of La Voix des Femme – significantly more so than the original Wikipedia article. The article could use improvements in regards to this presented information being more concise and focused to the article’s topic.