User:LilAvenue/Loki Patera/UNMls Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

LilAvenue


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Loki Patera


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Loki Patera

Evaluate the drafted changes
The page does not have typical Wikipedia structure with a short lead at the top followed by a bunch of smaller headings that go beyond. I think the page would benefit from such structure. Lead at the top. Then maybe 'discovery' and '2015 observations'.

Specific sentences/phrases to revise:

"The level of activity seen is similar to a superfast spreading mid-ocean ridge on Earth". Does this mean the rate of movement? What it is, in numbers, 10 cm/day? This sentence is a little clunky and can be much clearer.

"were consistent with sulfur volcanism": I dont know what this means. The sentence as a whole is a bit long as well. Also, active voice is so much more enjoyable to read than passive voice.

"At sites such as Loki Patera, this can occur episodically." simplify. 'crust renewal is episodic at Loki patera'. But youve also already said this.

What exactly do mean by 'foundering'? It starts to sink? It is melted through from the bottom?

"Another eruption would begin once the new crust has cooled and thickened enough for it to no longer be buoyant over the molten lava" - begins rather than would begin. sentence is also a little clunky

I don't know what the word 'patera' means and I think the article would benefit from a quick, single-sentence definition.

I think you last short paragraph should be at the top in the 'lead,' giving general context.

Your references look great and very trustworthy.

Nice pictures! A diagram of the evolution of a lava lake and the changing crust would probably help the reader a great deal understand conceptually what is going on.