User:Lilybillow/Mandala/Artylearner Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?
 * Lily Billow

(provide username)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Lilybillow/Mandala?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Mandala

Hi Lily! - It does seem that there is not much about sand mandalas in the Wiki Mandala article besides the religious aspect and a photo, so this information could be a nice contribution.

Sources

- Find some articles or books in Temple library for more reliable and informative sources.

- If you use the same reference twice, here is how to avoid wikipedia adding it a second time: click on "cite", select "Re-use" and choose from the list of your references to site something for the second time.

Organization

--Sentence structure might be revised throughout. For example it can be confusing to end a sentence with a verb, "to make"

- It sounds like you are describing the process. You may want to describe what a sand mandala actually is in a neutral way for example what it looks like, where they can be found, etc. ( you linked to a page where monks created a mandala at a church in Germany. Monks actually go all over to create these. That may be something to note in your paragraph citing references that you find.)

Clarify your information and make it more specific:

-Your first sentence about training is a bit confusing. The video you cited said that even though people start training at age of seven to become monks, they need five years to learn how to make these mandalas. Where did they get their information?

-In your second sentence, you talk about the crushed stones and gems. Your first reference said that gems are no longer used, and crushed marble is used instead. If different sources say different things you may need to clarify that and look up other potential sources from peer-reviewed books or articles for the materials information to be sure it is as accurate as possible.

Neutrality

-"our essence will return to the elements and to not become attached to anything"- You may need to clarify that it is the monks' BELIEF that a person's essence will return to the elements. Wikipedia requires neutrality and to not express opinions.

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)