User:LinayaBradford/sandbox

School meals paraphrasing

Original text about Obama Administration

""This announcement is the result of years of feedback from students, schools, and food service experts about the challenges they are facing in meeting the final regulations for school meals," Perdue said in a statement. "If kids aren't eating the food, and it's ending up in the trash, they aren't getting any nutrition — thus undermining the intent of the program."

NPR's Allison Aubrey reports that the School Nutrition Association, which represents school food administrators, has been pushing for the changes.

The affected standards involve whole grain requirements, sodium content and milk options.

The USDA will now let states grant exemptions regarding whole grain standards for the 2017-2018 school year if they're having trouble meeting the requirements, and the agency said it will "take all necessary regulatory actions to implement a long-term solution."

Sodium reductions set in place by the Obama administration will be postponed for at least three years to "provide schools and the school nutrition industry with the certainty and predictability they need to make appropriate plans for creating foods with the appropriate amount of sodium."

Milk requirements would also loosen, allowing schools to serve 1 percent flavored milk.

The fight over school lunches has lasted years. Even after the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2010 took effect, Michelle Obama continued to have to defend its importance, as NPR's Tamara Keith reported in 2014. In 2016 the Senate settled on a compromise that would keep most of the new standards in place, including requiring to schools to serve more fruits and vegetables along with the planned reductions in sodium and increase in whole grains."

Paraphrased text

Since the Healthy, Hunger-Free Act of 2010 Michelle Obama has worked diligently to defend the importance of healthy school lunches but, has not been extremely successful in her efforts. Schools, specifically in the United states, are having difficulty enforcing nutrition values in fear of being wasteful because children are no longer eating their lunches. Information gathered from students, schools, and food service experts prompted that they cannot met the regulations required for the Healthy, Hunger-Free Act of 2010. Providing schools with whole grains, whole milk, reduced sodium levels and more fruits and vegetables was apart of the act but the Senate would not fully comply. To compromise, they agreed to serve more fruits and vegetables, more whole grains and reduce the sodium levels. The levels of sodium were to be reduced but these efforts have been postponed for at least 3 years due to inappropriate planning. To avoid further conflict between the senate and the administration, the USAD has tolerated exemptions pertaining to the whole grain standard and allowed schools to do what they find necessary to finding a more fitting solution. Schools are also allowed to serve flavor milk. The Obama administration pushed hard for the Healthy, Hunger-Free Act of 2010 but they can no longer control what is being served for lunch around the U.S.

Original text about history of school lunches in the US

"Well aware of the tremendous social inequality of this industrial era, reformers saw the need to improve the outcomes of all students drawn into the education system. “If it is a matter of principle in democratic America that every child shall be given a certain amount of instruction,” wrote reformer Robert Hunter in his heart-wrenching 1904 book Poverty, “let us render it possible for them to receive it… by making full and adequate provision for the physical needs of the children who come from the homes of poverty.”

Access to healthy food was one of these needs and schools were in a unique position to provide their pupils with nutritious meals. Philadelphia and Boston were the first two American cities to institute school lunch programs, starting at the end of the 19th century.

These efforts were spearheaded largely by welfare organizations, such as the Women’s Educational and Industrial Union in Boston and the Starr Center Association in Philadelphia, which began serving up hot meals for the price of a penny in high schools as early as 1894.

The response these programs received was overwhelmingly positive. As one report submitted to The Journal of Home Economics in 1910 describes, “the teachers [in Boston] are unanimous in the belief that the luncheons are helping the children both physically and mentally.”

It wasn’t until the Great Depression that the Federal government became involved in school food programs. In the early 1930s, farmers were facing financial ruin thanks to price collapses, laborers were having extreme difficulty finding work, and poor children were experiencing increasing malnutrition and hunger. School lunch programs emerged as the perfect solution to all three problems.

Paraphrased text

In the United states, there was a social inequality gap during the industrial era and there was room for improvement in all realms of education. Poor children were experiencing malnutrition and hunger due to a low income of families. Philadelphia and Boston were the first 2 cities to institute school lunches in the U.S. Organizations such as Women's Education and the Starr Center Association began serving hot meals to students for a cost that was affordable for most. Soon after, teachers started to notice the benefits of students both mentally and physically. The federal government wasn't involved until the Great Depression, farmers and labors weren't doing well financially and the school lunch program was a solution that worked for everyone.

Revision plan

1) The readers of this article will most likely be people who are interested or want to be more informed about the dietary actions of school lunches. The readers would appreciate a clear and informative tone and relevancy of the information being added. An article like this is based off of logos and ethos, it doesn't describe any emotional situations because they aren't trying to persuade the audience. There are many facts/statistics and descriptions of what many other countries typically eat for lunch.

2) ...

3) The feedback i received from peer review focused on grammar, vocabulary and rearranging some of content, such as my information about sodium levels. All of the feedback i received was helpful because they all provided insight to mistakes that I would have not noticed myself. I am going to add more information about the history of school lunches in the US and the required actions to obtain free or reduced lunch (in a brief description.) These revisions are going to improve my writing by making it sound and flow better. The biggest issue i have when writing is grammar, i often have difficulty with commas and the proper placement of them.

Wenqi's Feedback
You didn't indicate which section your paraphrase would be added in your Wiki article. I went to your Wiki article page, feeling that your paraphrase may go to the first section "History". In that case, I think you'd better add some information about the history of School Meal in the U.S. before this paraphrase.

?????'s Feedback?
Feedback: Overall, the sections are all comprehensive and nicely paraphrased. The part about the sodium levels is a bit repetitive and I would mention if the new administration has any guidelines. It was easy to understand and all the main points were there. There was a nice flow between the points, though there were a couple of grammatical errors. I would add a comma Hunger-Free Act of 2010. I would also replace the words whole grain and fruits and vegetables with a more broad term

Alyssa's feedback
I think your paraphrase is great. You did a fantastic job at incorporating the key points into your own writing. One small critique I have is the part about flavored milk. I think saying chocolate and strawberry milk is information that is not needed, and also is not mentioned in the original source. I think eliminating those words and simply saying "flavored milk" instead would make your writing more concise which is important for a Wiki article. But overall you have great organization and content. One other revision you might want to consider is putting the two points about sodium directly next to each other. I disagree with the other feedback where they said it is repetitive because you are making different points in both sentences about sodium, but I think it would be better organized if you put them together. Great paraphrase and writing!

Sequoia's Feedback
Both your organization and tone of writing really fit the previously laid out paragraph. I do have a suggestion about your sentences. I think your conclusion is strong and may be better fit between your first and second sentences. That way, the readers feel the problem is being presented in the first, and the outcome is the second sentence; then they see the ends to the original means. Overall, i think your paraphrase is well-written and will be a nice addition to the current Wikipedia article. Sstauffer21 (talk) 15:29, 22 February 2019 (UTC)