User:Litefantastic/Vault

This is the Vault, my own personal repository for weirdness. Please note: the content of this subpage is just stuff I thought was funny and/or cheesy. Nothing social, political, or moral should be read into it. Also, please look - don't edit.

Longest Word
[From a reverted version of the Longest word in English article:]

The word pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, also spelled pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis, is defined as "a lung disease caused by the inhalation of very fine silica or quartz dust." At 45 letters, it is certainly the longest word ever to appear in a non-technical dictionary of English (Source: OED). However there are strong indications that the word was coined by puzzler Everett Smith in 1935 as a hypothetical long word that could result from the protraction of medical terms. The actual name of the disease is pneumoconiosis, which is 14 letters long. As a result, opposition has risen to the claim that pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is the longest word in the English language. Opponents of the claim are known as dispneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosisists while supporters of the claim are popularly known as antidispneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosisists. Some supporters showing ambivalence are scornfully referred to by linguistic extremists of the latter school of thought as pseudoantidispneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosisists. But the ambivalent school, speaking pseudoantidispneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosisistically, faces something of a logical conundrum.

Grandfather's Brother Paradox
From an article now deleted:

The Grandfather's brother paradox is a paradox of time travel. Suppose your grandfather had a brother that was shipwrecked on a deserted island. He survives for five years before the island sinks and he dies.
 * If you traveled back through time and killed him anytime during those five years, nothing would happen to you. (What about chaos theory?)

Related topics
 * Grandfather paradox

Pastel Boxing


ASCII a go-go
[My contribution to the Grammatical person article. It has since been replaced there with a true table, and the blank space in my grid has been replaced with "plays."]

|---|           |Past          |Present        |Future              | |--| |1st Person|Novels      |Wills          |Shopping lists       | |--| |2nd Person|Text books  |Choose Your Own|Ransom notes         | |         |             |Adventure books|                     | |--| |3rd Person|Novels      |               |Instructions         | |--|

Nobody reads this stuff anyway
[From Big Bang nucleosynthesis:]

The history of Big Bang nucleosynthesis began with the calculations of Ralph Alpher and George Gamow in the 1940's.

(More stuff)

During the 1970s, there was a major puzzle in that the density of baryons as calculated by Big Bang nucleosynthesis was much less than the observed mass of the universe based on calculations of the expansion rate. This puzzle was resolved in large part by postulating the existence of dark matter.

(the helium crisis in the mid-1990s)

Vote Litefantastic
And then there was that time I ran for admin.

MP2
MP2 can refer to:


 * MP2 (format) audio files
 * Møller-Plesset perturbation theory of the second order
 * Metroid Prime 2: Echoes, a video game for the Nintendo GameCube system

Pope Lando Strikes Back
[A charming piece of vandalism. You have to be a pretty big fan of Star Wars and Groundskeeper Willie to get all the jokes, though.]

Pope Lando was elected pope in either July or August of 913, and was therefore Bishop of Rome and head of the Catholic Church. Lando died about 6 months later in either February or March of 914. He was born in Sabina, Italy. His father was reportedly named "Taino".

Lando is thought to have had powerful friends who helped him get elected Pope (a common occurrence in this time period, apparently). Little more is known about him. He was one of the last popes (but not the last) to use his given name as an official name during his reign. He had been the last pope to use a papal name which had not been used before until Pope John Paul I did so in 1978.

Pope Lando was known for his mediation skills, apparently diverting imminent wars between England and France, Scotland and England, Germany, Denmark and Scotland, the Rebel Alliance and Scotland, and Scotland and Scotland through decisive leadership and an excellent tasche.

Word 'Wikipedia' is absolutely silly.
[Completely unedited by my hand, preserved for your viewing pleasure.] [(edit) Author: Thanks. (adding: Heh... WickedPedia' (short for pediatrician)... What an a*****ic name for such an important (and visionary) site...)]

...Infact, the term 'silly' in association with the word 'Wikipedia' is too mild. I think that the word 'Wikipedia' is disgusting, abhorrent, awful, abominable, despicable, detestable and even morbid.

It certenly isn't a name for such an important job it obviously has; I mean - what(?!?) - is it a joke or something? Did it all started like a joke - so they named it as a joke, and then it grew-up into something big but kept its name: like if you would have a child - baby, a boy, and you name him Fifi, but later on he grews-up into a 230cm tall, ~350kg heavy bahamut of a man, a "silverback" of a human kind who eats rock and wood, works as a woodcutter, helps at a sawmill, and can snap you like a twig if he incidently mistakes you for an umbrela.

Term 'Wikipedia' is abnormaly stupid. It sketches an association towards the name (or a nickname) Wiki, a eighteen-year-old fun-girl (she's-"soooo"-"cool" type of girl) with a coefficient of inteligence lower than the size of her shoes, who smiles stupid all the time and moves her hair when she tilts her head ocasionaly, also a great fan of 'Duke of Earl' song, and simply loves britney spears. ...Or maybe it reminds of chewing on an unpleasently sauer unripe kiwi that makes your mouth water to wash it off while you crunch the black little seeds of that tropical fruit. ...Or maybe it reminds of that silly little fuzzy bird without wings with a funny beak that lives in the forests of New Zealand. Furthermore a sufix '-pedia' extracted out of the context of a word 'Encyclopedia' sounds like, reminds, associates and points to the word 'pedofilia' (no excuses - it just does).

Now - all that in a mix creates a strange and morbid combination of concepts in the head of an unsuspecting reader: an eighteen-year-old pedofilian woman (probably works as a nanny, and likes to endulge into physical contact with very young boys when noone is around, while she listens to britney spears) who chews kiwies (new diet...) and who's hairsryle reminds of silly bird. Wicked Wiky p-0-r-n star... ...Deliriously disturbing...

I guess - all I'm trying to say is: of so much good names that can be given to the service like this they choosed this one... Sad.

Imagine a middle age small-time polititian of some province in some country saying all serious and proud: "The province that isn't in Wikipedia is not a serious province. Our province is proud to tell that we too, as some of the renound provinces around the world can be found in the Wikipedia." - hilarious.

'Wikipedia' is laughable... I suggest that 'Wikipedia' should change into some a little bit more serious name...

Suggestions: "The Enciclopedia" would be nice (Like: The - THE! encyclopedia), "Internet encyclopedia", "Interencyclopedia", shortly "Interedia", "World Encyclopedia",or something completely different like "Nexus", or "Internexus", or some word that sounds good and is in the context even mildly - like "Perplex", or "Enigma" etc. Or, on the other hand - an acronym for something (e.g.: GEFARD: Global Enciclopedic Free Acess Resource Database; or AWIE: All-purpose World-wide Internet Enciclopedia (this one!)) something or other... Maybe "Cyberenc" (CYBER ENCyclopedia (although the word 'Cyber' is badly missused these days by people who don't really have a clue what it actualy means)), Hyperenc (HYPER ENCyclopedia)...

Just change it!!!...

It's funner if you know he died in 1703
Some people...

Vaulting the vault
Things I should never have written...

Further Template Weirdness
[I don't actually have many wiki skills. Usually, when I want to make a new template I just find a similar template and edit it until it looks good. Of course, there's always a slightly odd period in the middle roughly akin to a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. Here, for instance, is Template:A-ko emerging from Template:Madmax]

Userboxing
[There's actually a whole section of "funny" userboxes; these are my own personal favorites from there and elsewhere:]      

Grapefruit!
According to the WP:GF article: "it is better to put a grapefruit into the hand of the student than to hold one up for examination; and better to allow the student to cut open the fruit and eat of it than merely to stare at it." Thoughtful words, truely, but there are some articles that just worked better without their examples:
 * Glomp
 * "Hey! Tape this to your butt. I'm going to go on the other side of the room and glomp you." "What the heck is this? A tail? Why do you always act so weird when the power's out, and what the hell is glo-OOF!""I glomped Alissa earlier. She fell flat on her back when I did.""Oooo, someone cosplaying as TenTen!  Hold my stuff, I gotta go glomp her.""Wow, thank you so much for the surprise party!" (glomps)


 * Low Hanging Fruit
 * Bob: Our swimming pool keeps draining because there is a hole in it.Carla: Maybe we should seal the hole?Anne: There's some low hanging fruit we're missing here. Why not continuosly fill up the pool with a hose?

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Fish.
 * [Sometimes it's hard to tell... Surrealist humor]

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To understand why seventeen fairies consoled all their kitchen troubles in a yellow rock covered in a stylish freedom fighters dead skin with the phrase 'limbo chocolates for all' engraved in it.

Q: Who was the youngest Queen of England? A: No, that little servant girl cannnot have any of my lucky soup pennies, Mr and Mrs Fellows will go mental.

Customer: Hi, can I have a pink and blue loaf please? Baker: No, sorry, we only have green and yellow in today. Customer: That's all right, my bike's parked outside.

Old toy parts...and where they are today!
[From the Speak & Spell article:]

The unit could use either 4 "C" batteries or 6 volt DC power adapter with positive tip polarity. The display was a vacuum fluorescent display. The original Speak & Spells had raised hard-plastic keys while later units had a membrane keyboard. The Speak & Spell used the first single-chip voice synthesizer, the TI TMC 0280, which utilized a 10th-order linear predictive coding model. A variant of this chip with a very similar voice would eventually go on to annoy drivers of Chrysler vehicles in the 1980's as the Electronic Voice Alert.