User:Ljc22b/Low culture/Anonymous - JJH 8 Peer Review

General info
Ljc22b/Low culture
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Ljc22b/Low_culture/Anonymous%20-%20JJH%208_Peer_Review?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_peer_review
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Low culture
 * Low culture

Evaluate the drafted changes

 * This article needs a bit of work. As of right now, I feel more information is needed in the "Culture as Social Class" section. The grammatical errors were minimal but there were some organizational and wording issues. In the Article Draft portion, the last sentence needs an "a" after "Despite being viewed as." In the Definition Portion, get rid of "In other words" and "generally" in order to rephrase the sentence. In the History Portion, change and rephrase all words that end in "ly" because it was distracting as a reader. Here are the words that need to be changed: normally, cheaply, crudely, generally, especially, permanently, slightly, relatively, increasingly, typically, extremely and mechanically. In the Culture as Social Class portion, change and rephrase "collectively" and "Therefore." In the Mass Media portion of the audience section, change and rephrase "especially" and "vicariously." The entire draft was a bit heavy handed on the use of words that end on "ly." This can be distracting to the reader and can be viewed as lazy writing. The one source that was provided was not sufficient. The link to the source only shows one page of information. I would work on getting more solid primary, secondary and tertiary sources. This article has a good introduction to the topic but needs more rephrasing and rewording to avoid plagiarism.