User:Llawan

Since April 22, 2006

The following might not make a lot of sense. But I’d like to express the following before I’m dead. Who am I? let me explain how one madman tried to destroy my life. I’m no professor, I never learned or studied psychology and even as I write this my speech is going to deteriorate and he won’t spot treating me like an animal. Obviously, psychology is here to aid your life otherwise we won’t know how to behave. When you think of it is something intangible and interesting. You live with it and might separate you from animals, even though they also use psychology. And sometimes it is abused for personal gain.

1. The Quiet Beginning

Born in the suburbs of one of the oldest towns I had a reasonable upbringing. Only had one or two friends and was shy, kind and loving. One day, when I was three years old a local man came to my family’s house and pretended to work for the local mental health institution and made sure I knew what the meaning was of suicide and made me, one might say, evil. I thought nothing much of that moment till recently when a lot was made clear to me.

2. Mediocre Midgame

Chess is my game of choice and bought my first chess book in April 2006. It was a lot of learning how to play and also the beginning of something more sinister. Having few friends and chess not being a popular game amongst us, I found that there were people who played on the internet. It was fun and challenging. There is a large world of different book openings, difficult middlegame and precise endgames in which you can get lost in. It’s no secret that chess is a mind game and a lot of the stuff you do is in your head. Psychology is part of it as well, although is general more important for professional players. One might get the feeling it’s a selfish game, meaning you play on your own and against an opponent, but it is also a social game, when you can make friends or create enemies.

The internet is my preferred meeting place to play chess. It’s carefree, anonymous and cheap way to find an opponent to play with. I’m not sure what the reason was, but at some point I played from late in the evening till early morning and never stopped. For a long periods of time and it somehow got more interesting than my social life. One can imagine, being alone playing hours on end, churning move after move it becomes an obsession.

3. Pointless Ending

Left my parental house in 2008 and dreaming of a better life became homeless for 4 years. Luckily in my country there is a welfare system and you can’t really get into trouble. In 2012 after getting in some difficulty I returned to my parental house, which is unacceptable in my culture. Aged 24 this is where my story ended.

4. The Big Machine

I was committed to an asylum over a year ago and this was life changing. The experience was terrible to say the least.

When you think of an asylum you might think of hospital beds with patients, and nurses who detain you when you go crazy. Flavorless meals, doctors and psychiatrist who watch over you. Crazy stories and rumors of how patients go insane and commit suicide. This was the case for me. I rarely said anything, did anything interesting, but eat, sleep and follow a schedule.

It might also be a breeze, you get in doctors try to cure you and you leave. To me it was senseless amount pills and an insane amount of inactivity and boredom. And for some reason I wasn’t allowed to leave. Even though I wasn’t ill, what’s up with that. No one said anything. This is the dark side of an asylum. It became a prison. Was I that bad of a person? Did I do anything wrong? Why did people pick on me? What is this madness?

It was in the asylum where I received a letter from the ‘doctor’. Stating my release. I was happy of course. But for some reason when I showed the letter, nobody acknowledged it and was stuck there for longer amount of time. Hours after hours of mind numbing routine, it changes you as a person.

I'll post snippets of my story because I might die or get detained in the process.

Walter Wong September 25, 2021

I didn't die, but I might aswell be.

5. Secrets of the Human Brain

The joy of science is probably discovering new information and exposing it to the world. To my limited knowledge a lot of the functionality of the brain is already categorized. What can be said about it, it is such an important organ that it shouldn’t be messed with it. What doesn’t the brain control in a human body. What would happen if you’re no longer in control of it? This is the case of me after I left the asylum. Six months has passed since then. Still every day I struggle for my sanity and get abused every day. For seemingly no reason.

Psychology is closely connected to the brain, where else would this information be stored. Where exactly is unknown to me, but others might know it. The terrible thing is when a bad person abuses it, as is the case. All under the guise of being a joke.

October 19, 2021

December 2nd, 2021

I'm dying. There waiting for me to commit suicide.

Michael Ding the Psychopathic kid If you come to Holland beware of something called dr dingus. He’s just a stupid kid who no family and friends. Drunk on power he will coerce you to do stuff for him. Just get angry and mind your own business

December 8, 2021

6. The protégé

- ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’

Two months has passed since I last posted, and my mentality has changed a lot. Here is how I describe how a madman destroyed my life. They thought I was a criminal. It’s their technique. They used the technique to seep into your mind. As it turns generally people have criminal mentality, it’s just I look foreign to them. Being a sheep, I have no record of criminal activities. Not secretly, not officially. Then you don’t love, one might say. Yeah, I don’t know. He said it was a banana republic, I loved the freedom of it. The county we lived in. This is how people become friends, as it turns out. And he wanted to add me to his group of friends. I liked to be alone. Top dog he wanted to be and me a pawn in his charade. They are curious of my past. Even though they had access to it whey still wondered what kind of criminal activities I committed. None they discovered, man where their faces red. I am not the most law abiding by any stretch, but to commit crime you have to push someone to a corner or maybe people like to expand their boundaries.