User:LouiesWiki

Gregory St. Louis was born under a harvest moon. At birth, Ola St. Louis proclaimed him short. Greg's prominent eyebrows were notable from an early age. And he was quick like the wind. It is rumored that Tom Hanks studied Greg's life in preparation for the role as Forrest Gump. It turned out, however, that Hanks' counterpart in the movie "Castway" was more appropriate (the volleyball, Wilson.) (although Wilson lacked eyebrows.) At the age of 1 year, Gregory was determined to be a prodigy - in the art of making beer and using the term "Trout." Occasionally his focus on Carp superseded his Trout usage. At the age of 2, the determination that he was a prodigy was retracted, and instead he was determined to be adept at skills involving hurling empty beer bottles at buildings - thus his Native American name "He who hurls empty beer bottles at buildings." Oddly no word for "building" exists in the Sioux lexicon, hence his nickname- TeePee (the pee came from the other thing he hurled at buildings).

Hoss Comes Forth

At the age of 3, Hoss was born and Ola proclaimed him taller. And he was. This foretold the future events of Christian Bale and his mother, which would take place in the year 2008.

The Virgin Mary At the age of 6, Greg saw the Virgin Mary's image in a pine cone. He later claimed to see it in trout and carp. Greg proceeded to use the Virgin Mary pinecone to give Hoss a nature wedgy. Hoss liked it. The pine cone - not so much.

At the age of 8, Ola proclaimed that no more children were to be born. Roland proclaimed, "Thank God," as did the Sheriff in Princeton.

At the age of 10, Gregory became fascinated with the game of baseball, and starting hurling more beer bottles and pee at buildings.

Throughout each stage of his life, Greg was consistent, consistently short.

At Greg's 16th birthday, a timecapsule was excavated from his backyard. In it, the St. Louis family discovered: a well worn Sesame Street magazine with a Big Bird centerfold. Three Vanilla Ice CD's were in it as well. There was also a picture of Hoss St. Louis performing on the Mickey Mouse Club with Justin Timberlake.

Greg proceeded to memorize the Vanilla Ice CD's and was "cool as ice" until his 21st birthday. Needless to say, he had few friends, he was treated more as a sideshow, "come check out the rapping dwarf." He was the white Bushwick Bill. Gregory also became the little known "white" member of the Geto Boys. His Gangsta Boogie dance created a controversy that reached from Amherst to the floor of the Massachusetts State House and redefined obscenity in New England.

That was, until John Kerry adopted the dance as the "official dance of Massachusetts." There is now a picture of Gregory dancing next to the official state bird, with the state flower woven into his hair.

At the age of 23, Gregory retired the dance, and retired to a life of seclusion in the mountainous terrain of Princeton. Rumors of Gregory sightings elicit deep interest throughout the Bay State with the town of Framingham attempting to cash in a clear imposter, St. Louis look-a-like. The Framingham St. Louis is clearly too tall to be Gregory, though he does like trout, pee and beer - so it may be the same person, with the aid of the Massachusetts rich bio-chemical industry.