User:Lrodriguez14/Women in engineering/Stschnell16 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Lrodruiguez14


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Lrodriguez14/Women_in_engineering?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)


 * " Bachelor degree programs that(?) offer scholarships to help more woman pursue further education within STEM. Many colleges and universities have began adapting and motivating the females (women) to feel encouraged to continue with engineering as a career. Providing more acceptance into engineering degree programs and providing more safe spaces for women to feel more accepted and appreciated. "
 * Get rid of "that" maybe?
 * I think that instead of "the females" you should use "women"
 * revisit the sentence structure of the last sentence in this paragraph; I can't tell what you are trying to say
 * what/who is providing more acceptance?


 * "There are few scholarship opportunities most of which can be found  either  in Engineering Information Foundation. Programs for middle school and undergrad to help motivate more women to pursue engineering careers. With the ever growing gender difference in engineering beginning to level out, foundations and programs are motivating more and more females to enter more engineering careers."
 * get rid of "either"
 * What is the Engineering Information Foundation? A website?


 * "The woman's technology program speaks on the different categories that can be found within engineering programs. STEM: Science, Technologies, Engineering, Math."
 * maybe capitalize Woman's Technology Program?
 * "STEM: Science....." is an incomplete sentence


 * "Both and of which speak on the still occurring issue of the gender difference still being disproportionate. With there being still woman population in the engineering field. It is believed that with(?) the more opportunities available(?) within communities and school there could be more women in engineering."
 * this paragraph is confusing in terms of grammar, I can't tell what is being said
 * What are those citations at the beginning referring to?

Overall, I think you made a great effort to add information, but the overall sentence structure was confusing and incomplete. Some information was also a bit redundant within specific sentences.