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Soulmate model vs. institutional marriage

Many adults have come to see marriage as an expressive “super-relationship” rather than as an institutional marriage that is governed by a host of norms which include rearing of children, cultivate mutual dependency, gender specialization, and shared faith. Through embracing the soulmate theory, they are more likely to see marriage as an opportunity to enjoy companionship, for personality development, and emotional security. This leads to the conclusion of many family scholars that adherents of the soulmate theory are more likely to get divorced due to the fluid character of sexual attraction and emotional ties. They have fewer normative commitments to marital permanency that might serve as a barrier to divorce. Besides that, adherents to the soulmate theory are less likely to be integrated into social institutions that could serve as social support for marital permanency.

Contemporary Zeitgeist

The soulmate model of marriage fits in the contemporary Zeitgeist as it focuses on individualization.It is also consistent with the hedonistic ethic of contemporary capitalism where the market seeks to cultivate and meet a range of individual needs and desires.

Violence in relationships

Soulmate theorists and work-it-out theorists tend to respond differently to conflict. Central to the soulmate theory is the belief about partner fit. It was shown that it is difficult for couples with a strong soulmate theory to leave a violent relationship, especially if they have a weak work- it- out theory. However, the soulmate theory offers some protection early in the relationship to allow soulmate theorists to end relationships quickly when there are signs of relationship violence. People who have a strong soulmate theory may be more prone to committing relationship violence or seeking out a partner that is also more prone to committing violence in a relationship.

Partner´s fit

The soulmate theory can also be used for the search of partner compatibility. The key for longevity and relationships success is the matching of four of twelve personality traits which include the need for companionship, idealism, emotional intensity, spontaneity, libido, nurturance, materialism, extroversion, aestheticism, activity level, subjective well-being, and intellectualism. The matching of the personality traits can prevent the relationship of failing.

Forgiveness likelihood, relationship satisfaction and longevity of relationships

Depending on a person holding a work-it-out theory or a soulmate theory, he or she assigns different meanings to events. This, in combination with the degree of partner fit, consequently leads to varying degrees of satisfaction with the relationship and also predicts the relationship longevity and willingness to forgive insults.

Forgiveness likelihood

Research shows that whether someone would evaluate their fairly new partner to be a good fit, predicted, if that someone would decide to forgive the partner after being hurt by him or her.

This association seems to be even stronger for people who have a soulmate belief. Compared to work-it-out believers, they let the evaluation whether they consider the other person to be a good fit for them or not, influence the decision to forgive or not to forgive an insult in an even greater extend.

When confronted with an hurtful act by their partner they consider to be a good fit, they use relationship enhancing cognitions that are in line with the thought of the other person being ideal or close to ideal. When soulmate believers doubt that the other person is a good fit for them, they tend to not forgive the act and interpret the incident as an indication that that person was never right for them to begin with.

Work it out theorists are not additionally biased by their implicit relationship belief when evaluating partner fit and whether to forgive an insult. They don’t automatically forgive their partners, but their focus is more on actively resolving the conflict, instead of using the insult to judge whether the person is a good fit or not.

Relationship satisfaction and longevity of relationships Just as holding a soulmate theory seems to moderate the partner fit- forgiveness association, it also seems to moderate the partner fit- satisfaction association: The findings of Knee Nanayakkara, Vietor, Neighbors, and Patrick (2001) support the notion that the perceived discrepancy between one’s ideal and one’s actual partner is not that influential on the relationship satisfaction of work-it-out believers as it is for soulmate believers.

The belief in destiny, which is closely linked to the soulmate belief, is associated with being more willing to take responsibility for deciding to stop investing in a relationship and ending it when experiencing negative events. Once a soulmate believer is occupied by the thought that the other person is not a good fit, he or she is very likely to end the relationship to look for a more ideal partner. That might be the reason why relationship length was found to be negatively correlated with holding a soulmate theory.

Work it out theorists who believe in growth being crucial and who are optimistic towards the relationships potential tend to use maintenance strategies in the face of conflicts and are less likely than soulmate believers to end the relationship when being unsatisfied. They also engage in long term relationships more than in one night stands, since they see the value of a relationship in its development.

“Work-it-out or growth theorists do not assign the same level of importance to partner evaluations as soulmate or destiny theorists.”, which could make the Work-it-out-believers to be more likely to be satisfied in a relationship with a partner who is less than ideal compared to people who hold a soulmate theory.