User:Luk/Jimbo doesn't care

Sometimes you find yourself on the wrong side of a content dispute, or you had to undo someone's revert to the the wrong version 3 times in a row, or some jerk endlessly removed the link to your personal blog. Then, an censor dictator clueless administrator comes and blocks you without further discussion. Don't bother with a thoughtful request. Admins don't like reading through text, and anyway as long as they don't fear for their lives they will stand together. Instead, please use our fast unblock process:

Step 1

 * copy-paste the following on your talk page . You can tweak the reason sligntly, but remember to use ALL CAPS, and to threaten to have a word with JIMBO if you don't have your way.
 * wait for the block to be lifted (it usually takes a minute or so), and you will immediately be able to resume whatever important task you were doing. Nobody will dare blocking you twice anyway.
 * If this doesn't work, you will need to ask Jimbo Wales to ban the retard that dared blocking you. Remember that you will be making Wikipedia a better place by having the head of this rouge admin. Go to Step 2.

Step 2

 * If you can wait for the block to end (I wouldn't advise that, admins are bullies and you don't negotiate with terrorists anyway), just post an angry message to User talk:Jimbo Wales. The upside of this method is that everyone will be able to read your message. That way you can be sure the admin will promptly apologize, and maybe offer help you with your task!


 * If you can't wait, remember that admins don't usually block the email function. Use the Special:Emailuser page to send your message! But Jimbo is not always around, or might miss it. Here's an easy way to make your message public: just create an other account and post on his talk page! It's so damn easy I wonder why people don't think of it earlier (ow, you did it already and got blocked? Just create a third one, that'll learn them!).

I'd like to add some additional recommendations for people who'd like to appeal such cases directly to me (Jimbo).
 * In both cases, remember that writing in ALL CAPS work wonders here, and that the longer the message is, the more likely Jimbo will be to accept your demands:

First, it's very important that you write me a minimum of six pages of text explaining and defending the version that you prefer. The more tedious details, the better. I'm specifically keenly interested in the names of obscure rivers in Germany Poland Prussia. Also, be sure to write to me about the shape of Bigfoot's head. I really am the person to make a decision about that.

Second, everyone knows that I make it a routine practice to force articles to read exactly the way that you like. I also ban longtime users and sysops whenever I feel like, just based on the say-so of people just like you. So be sure to ask for that.

Third, better yet, don't ask for it, demand it. Threaten to leave if I don't comply within 24 hours. That always works.

Fourth, if you happen to know that I'm personally politically sympathetic to your point of view, feel free to call your opponents names. For example, since I'm generally sympathetic to Israel, feel free to call anyone who has written anything critical of Israel a "Nazi." I'll get so excited that I'll probably ban them. Heck, I might even write new code in the software to only let you and people you approve edit the pages!

And finally, if for some insane reason I don't act on your wise proposals, tell everyone that you know that Wikipedia is all a scam to make money. It's a tool of capitalist oppression. It's a liberal playground with no standards. It's based on the principles of communism. It's collectivist. It's individualist. It's useless. It's the most important thing in the world, except for me screwing it up. That'll show old Jimbo who he's messing with!

Ok, newsflash
Jimbo doesn't care. Really. I'm not kidding. The community designed processes to resolve behavioral and content related disputes. They are called, wait for it, dispute resolutions (You won a cookie for guessing right)! Blocks can also be appealed to the arbitration committee.

As the (co?)-founder of Wikipedia, Jimbo Wales has a certain authority on the English Wikipedia, but he's unlikely to overrule a decision made by the community. Jimbo is not almighty, it was decided long ago that the communities would police themselves. The Wikimedia Foundation is not involved in day-to-day operations.

So, please, read our policies and guidelines, and behave like the big boy you are.