User:Lulj2/Fort Ross, California/Ell.S.'22 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Lulj2


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Lulj2/Fort_Ross%2C_California?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Fort Ross, California

Evaluate the drafted changes
I had never heard of Fort Ross, so thanks for introducing me to it! I think creating a section about the tensions during the excavation process is a really creative way of adding to the article, complicating the reader's understanding of how excavations are conducted, and highlighting Native voices. I found your first paragraph to be clear and concise. By the end, I had a good sense of the various stakeholders and understood why they were each involved. The second paragraph was equally informative, but there were moments when I struggled with the clarity. My understanding from what you wrote is that both the Russians and Kashaya wanted any excavated graves to be reburied, but the Kashaya were mostly resistant to the excavations in the first place while the Russians supported them. If this is accurate, changing the phrasing of the last sentence could help clarify the point. Right now it reads to me like the "in contrast" applied both to the support of excavations and reburial preferences when it seems like the contrast was only in support. To also help with clarity, there are some sentences that could be shortened or broken into two, especially in places where you use semicolons. I like the flow of your writing, but it could be easy for the reader to have something that is broken into shorter pieces of information. In terms of sources and voice, you did a good job of presenting the information neutrally. It looks like you only have the one source to draw on right now, so I'm interested in how you could incorporate others into the section. I know Wikipedia prefers that we use secondary material, but I would be interested in learning more about the Kashaya oral traditions and Russian evidence of conversion (which could potentially be difficult to find without going closer to the original sources). I was also looking over the existing article, and if you are looking for some other topics to work on, you could potentially do some research into any excavations that have taken place outside of the cemetery and windmills. Has there been anything done around the chapel or other renovated buildings?

Great job, and I'm looking forward to hearing more about what you have been working on during your presentation!