User:Lynnsasaki/1970 Takeover of the Lincoln Hospital/Lvega2 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Lynnsasaki


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Lynnsasaki/1970_Takeover_of_the_Lincoln_Hospital?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * N/A does not exist.

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead


 * The article does not appear to begin with a lead. Instead, it begins with the immediate history of the Lincoln Hospital takeover.
 * Here is how I'm tackling the lead:
 * I'm going to write the entire article first and then attempt to write a lead that concisely summarizes all of the sections in the article.
 * I found it pretty difficult to write a lead without having written the entire article first. Basically, I'm working backwards on it!

Content


 * I appreciate the contextual information for the Young Lords and how you kept it to just a few sentences.
 * The immediate move into the relationship with hospital work keeps the content on topic and does not stray to far into a full discussion of the Young Lords. It's just enough on them to give a framework.
 * You should probably include citations to the incidents of 'leaving things inside patients' and the infant mortality rate statistic.
 * "In response to these conditions, the Young Lords Party in New York confronted the Lincoln Hospital staff on many accounts (occasions?)."
 * Describe and expand on these confrontations. It would probably add a lot to your work. I would describe the response of the city on each occasion that they confronted city policy. It would give a lot of context to the lead up of the hospital take over.

Tone and Balance


 * Generally it seems like you are just describing a sequence of events which is great.
 * However, in the spirit of wikipedia neutrality, you may want to look into how the police was responding to these actions.
 * How do the city officials and police view this take over?
 * I remember that the police were not very happy about it, it would probably be a good point to do that whole 'attention to balance' for the article.
 * The Young Lord's justification is basically overrepresented here, the pushback from the police would be a good counterpoint.

Sources and References


 * Great job on including a primary source here.
 * The other two sources seem good in terms of timelines and such.
 * They are also easy to find through links.
 * In reference to the police point of view stated above, it may be a good idea to look into perhaps police reports if they are available or general interviews from officers or officials that were there at the time.
 * More general newspaper reports about how this was being received by the public may also be a good idea to include.
 * How were the Young Lords being portrayed in the media?

Organization


 * Not much feedback here. It seems like the events are being reflected in sequential order, which is great.
 * Overall, organization makes sense and has a clear path forward.

New Article and Article Overall


 * The article does have 2-3 sources, although I'm not sure if these sources represent all of the ideas on the topic available.
 * The notability definitely is there however, given how much we talk about it in class.
 * Again, newspaper articles, references to police views and officials opinions would be great to make this article more fleshed out.
 * This is absolutely an article that is addressing a content gap, given the fact that this article does not even exist and there seems to be quite a lot of information about it available already (including documentaries).
 * It is also representing events pertaining to a marginalized group.
 * It does need links to other Wikipedia articles though so it becomes easier to find.
 * I'm not sure how to do that myself; it's also something I need to work on.