User:MTSpencer79/Übermensch/Mmarinkovic5678 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

MTSpencer79


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:MTSpencer79/Übermensch
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Übermensch

Evaluate the drafted changes
Firstly, I'll go over what I believe these drafted changes do well. The sources you have selected to use seem excellent; I really don't have anything much to add on that. The only problem with them, perhaps, is that there's no way for me to verify their accuracy since there's no link to them. But I understand that happens with some sources, so I'll take your word for it. Secondly, what you've written seems clear and easy to understand. Moreover, it seems to be written in an unbiased, neutral fashion. Thirdly, I can definitely see the need for a paragraph like you've added. It definitely helps tie everything in together, thus enhancing the overall flow of the section. That being said, some of what you seem to have added doesn't just sum things up, but seems entirely redundant. For instance, the last sentence of the second to last paragraph reads "Through realizing this new set of values, the Übermensch is perfect because they have mastered all human obstacles." Then the very next sentence, the one you propose to add, says "Nietzsche's concept of the Übermensch is perfect, because they have overcome all human obstacles." If you want to keep something like this, you should probably at least change the wording; right now it's just too similar to what's already there. Similarly, there's this proposed addition: "The dogma of Catholicism had become outdated and left the void of nihilism." This is kind of already talked about, not once, but twice. In the first paragraph there's: ""God is dead" means that the idea of God can no longer provide values...With the sole source of values exhausted, the danger of nihilism looms." And later, "Whereas Nietzsche diagnosed the Christian value system as a reaction against life and hence destructive in a sense, the new values which the Übermensch will be responsible for will be life-affirming and creative..." Even if you do want to retain your addition, I would recommend changing "dogma of Catholicism" to "dogma of Christianity." Especially considering Nietzsche lived in the primarily Protestant region of Germany, his target was Christianity in general, not just Catholicism. Lastly, there is this sentence: "The Übermensch rejects asceticism and instead lives their life to the fullest by sucking the marrow out of life." I understand what you mean by this, but a lot of other people may not catch on to this metaphorical language. Thus, it probably isn't appropriate for Wikipedia and could be restated in clearer terms. In general, I think a lot of your proposed additions could be fit into the already existing paragraphs. Alternatively, if you're going to keep that last paragraph, I would avoid just regurgitating things that have been said already, which is what I think you've sort of done.