User:Mabolzich

Uno Mabolzich is a 17th century Russian composer. He lived from 1683 to 1737. He was the court composer for Tsar Peter The Great until the Tsar died in 1727. He specialized in writing some of the first music for the saxophone. He had a great love for the baritone saxophone as did Tsar (A little known fact.). In fact Peter The Great, or Bari-Boy as Uno called him, kept a baritone sax in his closet, and played it quite regularly, until his death in 1727. He was quite proficient, great at sight reading and melodic minor scales. He did not care for the C-melody saxophone however, It's said that Peter the Great executed over two thousand c-melody saxophonists during his reign. The instrument became known as da horn of death. (It was said that they were executed by being hammered repeatedly from the top, bottom, left, right, front, and back into little squares. This form of execution also works well on agents.)

Mabolzich was born on June 28th and grew up in the small village of Scratchemnow in southern Russia. His first musical training came at the local Orthodox church. Because of his talent for improvisation on a II-V chord progression, he quickly moved to the university at Moscow. He used to spend most of his time in study and practice, but when he had free time he went stright to the blacksmiths shop where they used to make the saxophones. Taking great sheets of brass and hammering them into fine instruments with special left-handed Russian saxammers. Many of the instruments are still available today. Uno was enamored by the sweet smell and amazing shine of the instruments. His favorite process, however, was watching them make the tone holes in the body. This work was done by midgets using one of several various sized picks (standard sizes, not metric). The worker would take the approprate pick and swing it hard enought to punch a hole in the tube, without going though the back of the tube. The tone hole was then rounded, smoothed, and finished with a locally grown type of "Dutch Rush". These guys were amazing. So good was their touch, swing, and accuracy the Tsar Peter often hired them to eliminate some of his contenders. The local nobles used to say, "Watch out for them midgets!", and "Don't let 'em get behind you!". Mabolzich incorporated the sounds and rhythms of both the saxophone construction and noble elimination into the first movement of his "1713 Overture" A piece that also featured a great baritone sax solo and some serious cries of anguish.

Mabolzich was a very prolific composer,with over 200 works attributed to his pen. His early works were often described as light and happy. Then he found out what it means to a Russian saxophonist. He soon developed several addictions that would plague him till his death. His music then turned darker and sadder, almost depressing, disheartening, discouraging. His greatest work, "The Back Gate Of Kiev", a very gloomy piece, was written for the Tsars circumcision in 1723. This work featured a great baritone sax solo in the 3rd movement, "The Hut Of Yagga Bubba". This work inspired the development of the "low A bari". You see, transposing the last note of the piece an octive lower added an amazing dimension to the piece (and 17 pounds to the instrument). Some of the passages in this work are often quoted in the improvisations of many contempory jazz saxophonists. In fact, the famous John Coltrane soprano solo in "My Favorite Things" contains several direct quotes from that movement. Another little known fact is that Mabolzich started the famous "bob and snap" movement that hip people perform when they listen to music. (The bob and snap movement is performed by bobbing your head to the left or right, up and down will work just as well, on one and three, and snapping your fingers on two and four.) He found that when he performed this movement while listening to sax music, the music sounded better, in fact, all music sounded better! He taught this gesture to his students and they passed it on to this day. In fact, Mozart, a good friend, former pupil, and partner in a failed pasta machine venture, incorporated this gesture in the tenors libretto from the Marriage Of Figaro. It was dropped in later years because the"tenors" felt silly when they did it. Mozart also wrote over two dozen wonderful saxophone quartets that were secretly transcribed and published for strings, after his death, by a cult of jealous violin players. (A couple of little known facts lost to history.) The gesture, however, gained and lost popularity over the years. Prior to now, the last time it was popular was during the 19th century. It was usually performed while singing or listening to German Lieder. Schubert, Brahms, and Schumann recomended the bob and snap gesture/movement for all their works.

Uno Mabolzich died on June 28th in 1737, exactly 54 years after he was born, in St. Petersburg, Russia. A national day of mourning was declared. Everyone wore a black band of mourning with a golden baritone sax emblem on it. Nothing but Mabolzich saxophone music was broadcast on the radio for a full seven days. The Moscow Symphony performed a memorial concert featuring his greatest works (I forget all the ones they played). He was buried in the National Cemetary in Kiev. His tombstone epitaph contained just two words, "Ta Daaa!". A fitting end to a great composer. It is said that he was the unmentioned 6th man in the Russian 5. It's rumored that they left him off of the list because most of his music was written for saxophone and for his participation in the Great Saxophone Wars of 1721, but that's another story.

We, the sax players of the world, owe an lot to Uno Mabolzich. He popularized and wrote for the instrument we all hold dear. I propose that we set aside a day, each year, to celebrate his life. I was thinking Tuesday, two weeks from now. On this day, we could hold sax concerts, repair our horns, have picnics, change our oil, change our pads, play with ourselves and/or others, or whatever.

Dan Birch A.K.A. Uno Mabolzich This essay is based on the fictional character Uno Mabolzich created by Dan Birch