User:Mac239/Arsenate/Bigspace4 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mac239


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mac239/Arsenate?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Arsenate

Evaluate the drafted changes
First, what does the article do well? Is there anything from your review that impressed you? Any turn of phrase that described the subject in a clear way? What changes would you suggest the author apply to the article? Why would those changes be an improvement? What's the most important thing the author could do to improve the article? Did you notice anything about the article you reviewed that could be applicable to your own article? Let them know!

There are clear improvements between your draft the current article.

Firstly, the lead is clearer: it describes arsenate, its charge, valence, geometry, and brief resonance contributors. Some of these elements are in the intial lead, but you've succinlty described them in a way that makes sense for the reader. Well done.

In the current aritcle, there's the info box on the right with details of the ion, IUPAC, and diagrams; I suggest you include that too in the final draft.

I like how you've separated your lead into two paragraphs, first physically describing the ion, and then eleborating on more subtle characteristics such a charge and biological toxicity.

I like how you've renamed the "Ions" section to "Speciation," and move it before "Occurence." I could see speciation trends of arsenate being a main driver for someone visiting this page. Diagram is a good addition.

In the arsenate poisining section, I like how you changed the first sentence from "Arsenate can replace inorganic phosphate in the step of glycolysis that produces 1,3-bisphosphoglycerate from glyceraldehyde 3-phosphate." to "Arsenate is harmful to humans and animals as it interferes with the normal functioning of glycolysis and the Krebs cycle." For someone unfamilar with glycolysis, its wasn't clear before the immediate biological (human) relevance.

I've gone throught your references, and they are all good. I see that you've added 5 more in key parts. Reference 6 is asking you to "check date values" so I'd revisit that.

Suggestions:

Lead:

The lead relects updated content. It is clear and concise, briefly describing the major sections of the article.

The lead does not contain information that is presented in the article.

No improvements necessary here.

Content:

Content added is up to date and is recent as of 10 years.

*** I don't believe any content is missing.***

Uses and occurences could be delved deeper, if the writer needs to lengthen the page.

This article doesn't concern Wikipedia's equity gaps and historically underrepresented populations.

Tone and Balance:

The tone throughout remains neutral. No arguments are presented, and it doesn't read like the writer is trying to persuade the reader.

Sources and References:

All links work.

All new content is backed by a primary or secondary source. Only reference [6] shows to be incomplete, however the correct date is present in the citation, so it's likely a system error.

The two research artiles cited are from 2012 and 2016: they are current.

Link to more uses/occurences/hazards:

[https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/arsenic#:~:text=Arsenic%20is%20used%20industrially%20as,pesticides%2C%20feed%20additives%20and%20pharmaceuticals. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/arsenic#:~:text=Arsenic%20is%20used%20industrially%20as,pesticides%2C%20feed%20additives%20and%20pharmaceuticals.]

Organization:

You've made clear improvements to the structure and readability of the page.

I didn't find any grammatical errors, however I did find passive voice, if you're interested in changing that:

Passive voice occurences:

"The ion's 3- charge is dispersed across all four oxygen atoms through"

"At a given pH, the distribution of these arsenate species can be determined from their respective acid dissociation constants"

"Where two arsenate ions are required to balance the charge in a formula, it is called diarsenate for example zinc"

"Therefore, glycolysis proceeds, but the ATP molecule that would be generated from 1,3-bisphosphoglycerate is lost"

"Therefore, glycolysis proceeds, but the ATP molecule that would be generated from 1,3-bisphosphoglycerate is lost"

Images and Media:

The diagram "Distribution diagram showing dominant forms of arsinate in aqueous environments." you've added is enlightening, but perhaps you could describe the graph a bit in the caption (axis, subtle meaning, etc).

Image adheres to Wikipedia's copyright regulation, and is in the Wikipedia Commons.

Overall impression:

Overall, good job. Remember to include that big orange box with the diagrams and IUPAC naming etc in your final edit.

Strengths: conciseness, readability, sections

Weaknesses: Length of "Uses" and "Occurences," passive voice, and lacking image caption