User:MagalyGS/Justin Dunnavant/Nautika.richards Peer Review

Words

Evaluate the drafted changes
Pros:


 * The article lead is clear and concise. It is obvious who the article is supposed to be about and there is a nice bit of information on who he is. It is a good start to your article, and is good enough for the lead or intro paragraph as it is just supposed to be a summary.


 * I like that you plan on going into detail on his more well known stuff and his achievements, and that you added headings so that is what I knew you were planning on doing. I do recommend adding the titles of the Netflix and Hulu programs to the lead or your intro paragraph.
 * The current information you have is concise and it all of the information is relevant to the individual. Needs to be reworded a little in my opinion and sourced, but other than that it's good for what you have so far.

Cons:


 * Personally, I think you should get rid of "making his mark well-known" as it sounds biased, like you personally think this of him. "Justin Dunnavantis is one of many uprising anthropologists that is an assistant professor..." in my opinion would be better, as it does not sound biased, and it's more concise and gets to the point.
 * It would've been nice to see what some of your sources were when doing this review, as I have no idea where you got this stuff from, however I do understand that you just haven't put them in yet. I do however recommend when you put them in you do a bibliography, not just a reference list. As a reader, and this is what I think personally, it might help to find a source better in the future if the reader chooses to go into the sources. A reference list can be more confusing especially if the list is long. You probably don't have to though if you don't want to unless Howland says differently.
 * I don't know if you are done yet with the Hulu section, but Hulu definitely looks copied and pasted. It needs reworded heavily to make it sound more intellectual and stuff cut from it, cause it sounds like a narrator script Liam Neeson is about to record. I'm assuming your not done yet, but I having nothing else to con.