User:Mahaletn/Ethiopian Golden Age of music/Reesedog15 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mahaletn


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mahaletn/Ethiopian_Golden_Age_of_music?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Ethiopian Golden Age of music
 * Ethiopian Golden Age of music

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead
The lead doesn't seem to have been updated from the existing article, but it does a fairly good job of introducing the article and explaining its importance. Before the edits proposed in this sandbox draft, the article was just a lead and some limited and even irrelevant information. Mahalet's additions help flesh out the content that the existing lead introduces. The intro sentence to the lead could be made more clear and concise, but otherwise, it's pretty strong.

Content
The content that Mahalet adds to the article is quite strong. It is extremely relevant to the article title. Mahalet's contributions are the most important and informative content on the page.

Mahalet notes that some existing content on the page is not the most relevant. I agree with that assessment, and I think that this content would be appropriate to delete.

Furthermore, the content that Mahalet adds represents marginalized viewpoints that bring great value to this page and to Wikipedia more generally.

Tone and Balance
The tone of Mahalet's additions is balanced and unbiased. She presents the information in a detached way, without making value judgements. Mahalet's contributions make the page more balanced by including underrepresented perspectives from Ethiopian musicians.

Sources and References
Overall, this draft is strong with regard to sources and references. There are a few paragraphs (such as the first paragraph under the subheading Ethio-Jazz in America) that should probably be more directly linked to a citation.

Mahalet brings 10 new sources to this page, which is a significant contribution. However, some of the citations in the references section need to be formatted better. For instance, the first several sources consist only of a link and a date, when they should specify other information, like author and journal. Some of the sources cited are more reputable than others. For instance, a Wordpress site is likely not peer-reviewed, and might not be the strongest source.

Organization
This draft is quite well-organized and well-written. All content has been placed under an appropriate sub-heading. There are a few small spacing issues (ex: no space between a link and the previous word) that can be easily addressed, but otherwise spelling and grammar looks great.

Overall Impression
I am very impressed by this draft! You've added a significant amount of very strong content. The existing page will be much stronger once you've added your work.