User:Mahimasinha/Incarceration in the United States/Momoberk Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mahimasinha


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mahimasinha/Incarceration_in_the_United_States?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Incarceration in the United States

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead

- The lead has not been updated to reflect the new content added by Mahima, but I do not think it needs to be. The lead is already concise and well-written, and the added content does not warrant editing the lead.

Content

- The content added to the Health section of the article is relevant.

- The content still is relevant currently, but the sources could be more up to date (source is from 2009). However, I do not think this takes away from the relevancy of the content added and cited. The added content to the Health Effects section of the article does touch on historically underrepresented populations, including POC populations in the United States.

Tone

- Content added is neutral and factual, not opinionated.

- Content does not seem biased toward any/either side.

- First two sentences of Health Effects paragraph has more of essay voice than encyclopedia voice; would try to edit that.

Sources and References

- Only one source cited. It is from 2009 which is a bit older, but I still think it is relevant and adds to the article.

- Source cited is relevant and used correctly, but I would use more than one source in the paragraph added.

- Some sentences seem like they come from scholarly sources and should be cited.

- Need to add more sources to have more holistic account of views.

Organisation

- Paragraph added to correct section; subsection Heath within Effects section.

- Writing is easy to read, but can feel more wordy at times. Would be best to make the writing more concise and encyclopedia-like.

Images and Media

- No images/media

Overall Impressions: - The added paragraph about Health Effects does add to the overall article and I think it is a good contribution to the already well-written article.

-To improve the content, I would make sure the paragraph does not have an essay voice and focus on editing the first two sentences to have more of an encyclopedia voice.

- To improve the overall contribution of her writing I would also add more sources or cite some of the facts she has already represented because they sound like they come from scholarly sources.