User:Mahna Mahna Muppet/Clarence King/Gac8cx Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mahna Mahna Muppet & Audrey Metcalf


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mahna%20Mahna%20Muppet/Clarence_King?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Clarence King
 * Clarence King

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead
The lead section has not been changed. There is no indication that it will be.

Content
The content added is relevant to the topic, and it seems that it adds valuable information about Clarence King. Based on the references, the content added is up-to-date.

Tone and Balance
The added content is neutral and doesn't necessarily push a certain narrative or opinion. I didn't notice any claims that appear biased towards a position. It is a good amount of information about specific experiences Clarence King had without trying to persuade the reader of anything.

Sources and References
There are very few references in the added portions of content. Only four times total over two very long paragraphs is a source referenced. Even then, everything is cited from one source. There is much to be desired in this area. To avoid inaccurate information, it would be good to find a few more sources and be sure to link to them quite often throughout the paragraphs. The one source is current and written by a reliable author. But ideally there would be more than one.

I will change my references to be more page based as opposed to chapter based so things will be cited more than once. I agree that my additions need more sources, and I am hoping to find more sources now that we can google search that cover similar parts of his life so I can cite more that source in what I have added so far. -Mahna Mahna Muppet

We will evenutally be adding more sources to the our additions because it is important to pull from many resources to not have biased information. We will also fix our citations so that they're cited after each sentence with the correct and more precise page number. -Audrey Metcalf

Organization
It is a little difficult to read the sections that were added. Each part is one giant paragraph. These could be broken down into smaller paragraphs to make it easier to read and understand. I found a couple misspellings that can be fixed easily. Something else I also noticed is that some of the phrasing choices aren't very professional. In the "King's Trip West" section you write "everything the three guys owned." This could be rewritten to something more like "everything that the three men owned," just to sound more sophisticated. That's one example, but similar instances happen throughout. Overall, the two sections are reasonable as far as scope goes, but they could be broken down within into smaller paragraphs.

I will totally make sure to reread to fix my wording to sound more professional, that isn't something I had thought about before, but you are totally right that it would make things sound better. I will also break my writing up into easier to read smaller paragraphs. -Mahna Mahna Muppet

I agree with this tip. We will make sure to fix our parts so that they are readable for the viewers and so that it flows well together. The organization of the wikipedia article is very important for the audience's understanding. We will also review our tone and make sure everything seems professional and less casual sounding. -Audrey Metcalf

Images and Media
Not applicable

Overall Impressions
I do believe that the content added will improve the overall quality of the article. The strength of what you have written so far is that it is thorough and you do a good job explaining what happened in both experiences. Your content could be improved though with some reformatting and branching out to other sources for information on the subject.

We will be sure to try and find more sources to reference and to fix our citations. We will also make sure that our formatting of our additions flows well and is readable for the viewers. -Audrey Metcalf