User:Manorhe18/Harm reduction/Cheynehoke Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Manorhe18


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Manorhe18/Harm_reduction?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Harm reduction

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: I think your lead is wonderful since it concisely introduces the sections topic and focus.

** Unfortunately, I don't think any of your citations have linked. They just show up on the page as numbers and aren't included in the reference section**

"One of the first harm reduction models was called the “Mersey Harm Reduction Model '' in 1980s Liverpool, and the success of utilizing outreach workers, distribution of education, and providing clean equipment to drug users was shown in the fact that an HIV epidemic did not happen in Mersey." (this sentence is a little bit confusing and does not have a citation aka i didn't see a number since I know yours aren't linked)

"This catapulted the model into International conferences on drug related harm in the midst of the AIDS epidemic, making it an internationally recognized model of preventing HIV/AIDS specifically within injecting drug user populations." (maybe de-capitalize International and say 'drug-related', also this sentence feels a little redundant)

"There was much connection between San Francisco (an epicenter of HIV/AIDS advocacy in the US) and Liverpool. Harm reduction slowly began to transform the action around drug use from an individualistic approach that mainstream US healthcare often relies on, towards a more holistic population-based approach." (definitely needs a citation)

"The debate and perceptions around drug use within the US is impacted by healthcare wider socio-political movements: namely, the War on Drugs and the HIV/AIDS epidemic/activism." ( I think you can remove the semi colon and im confused by what 'healthcare wider socio-political movements' is)

"Within the Obama Administration, although the rhetoric and criminal frameworks of the War on Drugs was lessened, there was still twice as much money going into criminalizing drugs in the justice system than was going to drug treatment and prevention 11. The effects of the War on Drugs is that it prevented individuals from seeking addiction treatment and utilizing harm reduction, according to the Drug Policy Alliance.  Within education throughout the War on Drugs, there is also an overwhelmingly abstinence-only approach to drugs which further contributes to proliferating the problem of substance abuse 10."

This section is great and interesting! However, I think you need to provide some more statistics or research studies to support what you are saying. As a reader, I would like proof that this is a fact and a study with substantial data would really help.

Overall I like your article! It is interesting and well-written. I think you were very concise and utilized a neutral tone as well. I think there are some sentences that need to be modified for clarity and I think you would really benefit from finding some research studies to back up your claims.