User:Marcplummer82/International Peace Mission movement/KeeLgd Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Marcplummer82


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Marcplummer82/International Peace Mission movement
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Environmental movement

Evaluate the drafted changes
After looking at the draft I agree with your recommended edits to the lead. The lead contains little about the International Peace Mission movement and doesn't give enough information for me to understand what the rest of the article is about. The lead at the moment sounds like it is an introductory to a paper and not an informational website. You added a picture of Father Divine in this article I would recommend adding another picture of a crowd of supporters and the members so that the reader known that this was a big movement.

One thing that I will say and recommend is that you added a lot of new and useful information in your draft yet didn't write a new lead that discussed some of your points. You should write a lead that talks more about the movement throughout history and Father Divine since he was the one that started it, keep your sentence that discussed what the Interntional Peace Mission is and what its purpose was.

When looking at the article I think that some changes that could be suggested deal with the subcategories. Firstly, the subcategory Auxiliaries is not explained enough and should contain a definition of what auxiliaries are. Are they labels, nicknames? Maybe discuss how the names came to be since they seem random without any context. Secondly, in your lead you wrote that "The International Peace Mission movement is built on the principles of Christianity, democracy, Americanism, brotherhood, and Judaism with understanding that all religions teach the same basic truths.". Since this movement was built on these fundamental elements, they should have their own categories on how they are influential to the movement. What you could do is create a new category that is labeled "Principles of the movement" and have subcategories that talk about religion (religions teach the same basic truths) and unity (no discrimination).