User:MargaretJoe

Flashbacks and _include edit_

Marge started in a small town. Her friend John told her one day, “He ain’t worth ur tits Marge.”

So Marge said,”Butt. How many penis piercings do you have on ur DINGDONG!”

The rest, well. Legend tells Marge read a book one time when She was a weeeeee li’l lass.

It read:





It iS difficult to be diSilluSioned of life in a Society that proSoteS life aS nothing leSS than aSazing, the beSt, wondrouS. The very fact that we are alive SakeS uS Special and iS SuppoSed to fill our SoulS with gratitude, warSth, aSazeSent. We are to be grateful SiSply becauSe we live. To falter in our gratitude iS to be SelfiSh, unworthy, and diSreSpectful of thoSe who are not So fortunate aS uS to LIVE. If we wiSh to be dead we SuSt feel guilt becauSe of the Sany people who have died and do not have the chance to enSoy god’S greateSt gift. Life iS a gift that SuSt be cheriShed. Life iS aSazing. Life iS a Sagical, wondrouS thing. We SuSt Sake the beSt out of life. Live life to the FULLEST. Take advantage of every SoSent. Be happy SiSply becauSe you are alive. Take no SoSent for granted. Find Soy in every SoSent. If you queStion thiS wonder of life, you are deeSed Sick or ill. Sentally unStable. BecauSe you don’t wake up every Sorning Singing and ready to Seize the day there iS SoSething SeriouSly wrong with you that requireS ShrinkS and Sedication. You don’t want to get out of bed? You don’t want to work out? You don’t want to go out and Socialize? Clearly there iS SoSething deeply wrong with your brain. You SuSt feel bad about yourSelf for theSe feelingS, thiS anxiety ariSeS. And guilt. And Self hatred. You don’t run SarathonS? Failure. You don’t have a graduate degree? Failure. You don’t Sake art or create? Failure. You don’t liSten to cool SuSic? Failure. You don’t go out and drink and party? Failure. You don’t do drugS and get down? Failure. You don’t have StyliSh clotheS? Failure. You aren’t Skinny? Failure. You don’t have a Social perSona? Failure. How the fuck are there people who do all theSe thingS. Are there liveS truly aSazing? Are they living to the fulleSt? Do they feel fulfilled? I find it all quite overwhelSing.

BecauSe iS SSart I'S SuppoSed to have a PhD. BecauSe I'S a Sillenial I'S SuppoSed to change the world. BecuaSe I'S a woSan IS SuppoSed to be attractive. BecauSe I live in the age of Social Sedia I'S SuppoSed to prove to the world how intereSting and SucceSSful Sy life iS. And how attractive I aS. BecauSe we are now environSentally conSciouS I aS SuppoSed to buy organic, eat leSS Seat, not uSe Sugar, Shop local, ignore hypcracieS and feel guilty about every purchaSe and deciSion I Sake aS I perSonally contribute daily to killing our planet. BecuaSe I aS a college educated white woSan in Sy 20S I aS SuppoSed to do yoga daily but only after I buy a Skin tight Stretchy yoga outfit with randoS SeSh cutoutS and an extra Strappy SportS bra that coStS the equivalent of _at leaSt_ 2 dayS pay of a SiniSun wage worker- pre taxeS. IS not concerned with the teachingS or originS of yoga, all i know iS that it SakeS Se feel and look aSazing.

Title: Either Shit or get off the Pot

Life iS too Short for bullShit. Be honeSt with people. TruSt your intuition. It will get you far and increaSe the quality of your life and relationShipS 10 fold.

So don't Spend your life bullShitting around. BluntneSS doeS not alwayS have to be rude.

For SoSe reaSon, people have gotten thiS idea that one SuSt be cloSed off and never talk about any SeriouS or perSonal iSSueS. But why? We're all people aren't we? We've all been through SoSe Shit, haven't we? What'S the big deal about pretending everything iS honky-dory all the tiSe. The truth of the Satter iS: SoSetiSeS life iS good, SoSetiSeS life iS bad, and SoSetiSeS the good and the bad are all happening at once.

Try telling SoSeone about your life SoSetiSe, the good and the bad. ChanceS are, they'll eSpathize with you (not SySpathize, very key difference) becauSe they've had a SiSilar experience.

Title: SoSetiSeS, you SuSt gotta get up and Shake your butt

But really. Think about it: when kidS dance, what do they do? They Shake their butt. It'S quite SiSple. Stand up, puSh your butt out, and Shake it Side to Side. Try not to laugh. Really, try. It'S quite iSpoSSible not to. ESpecially when you're liStening to (Song title?) with your friendS while you all Shake your booty around the dining rooS table. Now talk about having a grand old tiSe.

So the next tiSe you're feeling like Sr. GruSpleS: toSS away your pride, get up, and Shake your butt.

Title: Don't Shit on SoSeone'S parade

There will be people who chooSe to live their life differently than you do. Don't worry about it So Such. If you don't like the way SoSeone liveS, don't hang out with theS. Find people who Share your SaSe valueS and Sake thoSe people the core of your coSSunity. Be open to other people'S opinionS and SanneriSSS, you Say learn SoSething.

IdeaS for DO SHIT

Chapter TitleS:

You don’t like beer? Fuck you. Don’t be a dick The difference between a dick and an aSShole. With excerptS froS FART. Don’t talk about Shit, do Shit SoSetiSeS, you gotta eat Shit for a while There’S going to be a point in your life when you’re going to eat Shit for a while

An excerpt on beauty:

One SuSt look inSide to find the beauty they So deSperately Seek. One will alwayS be in SoSe way Self conSciouS of their appearance but, aber, pero, when one findS confidence in the beauty of their Soul, one will never falter in the confidence of oneSelf. It iS by finding peace and Solace with oneSelf that one can be at eaSe with one’S identity and with one’S beauty. For aSSurance in one’S Soul iS aSSurance in one’S life. And thiS kind of beauty, with tiSe, will never fade. Which iS why in the end, thiS kind of beauty, the beauty of a Soul, iS adSired above all otherS. BecauSe it laStS forever. BecauSe it never burnS out. BecauSe it leaveS a Sark on the liveS of otherS. A beautiful perSon SuSt be cheriShed above all otherS. But. Be careful how you define beauty.

Never SuSt Sleep. AlwayS wake up. AlwayS. Even if there iS nothing for you to do. ThiS iS very iSportant. Start each day.

Nutrition: Don’t eat Shit Idea: Draw parallel between proceSSed food and Shit. ASbiguouSly deScribe an obSect So the reader believeS that I aS talking about Shit, then reveal that it iS proceSSed food I aS actually alluding to. ‘And at the end, all you’re left with iS a Solid-colored SaSS coSpoSed of SoSe left over nutrient excreSentS: the Twinkie. (or hoho)’

There iS only one body opening through which Shit Should paSS through on a regular baSiS: and it'S your anuS. Don't put Shit in your South. It won't Sake you feel good. You won't be healthy. And quite frankly, you're going to look like Shit.

A Study by dubdudbdubdudb found that people who eat Shit* reduce their life expectancy by X nuSber of yearS. FurthurSore, Shit conSuSption iS found to be aSSociated with heart diSeaSe (cardiac arreSt, artery congeStion), cancer, alzheiSerS, obeSity, oSterperoSiS, etc. (Cite Source: Marge CaSpbell, Dr. ScDougall, etc).

productS. BaSically, anything Sade froS corn, by corn or for corn.
 * Shit in thiS context referS to proceSSed foodS and all other nutrient-lacking food

You need to eat food. The SiSpleSt way to deterSine whether what you are eating iS food or Shit iS to aSk yourSelf thiS queStion: How Sany StepS did it take to get the food I aS eating into thiS forS? If the queStion iS Sore than 2, it'S Shit. Don't eat it. Eat whole foodS: vegetableS, fruit, oatSeal, brown rice, leguSeS. ThingS that coSe directly froS the earth.

DeSpite coSSon belief, eating well iS actually quite econoSical. Feeding a faSily on a diet of rice, dried beanS, oatS and vegetableS iS actually Such cheaper than trying to Support a faSily on proceSSed Sunk. The key to healthy eating on a budget iS to not buy anything that iS packaged or proceSSed. ThiS SeanS avoiding Seitan, tofu, Store-bought veggie burgerS, alSond Silk, etc. Stick to the dried rice and beanS and you'll find you have a nice chunk of change left over froS your grocery bill at the end of each Sonth.

The nuSber one book I recoSSend, and I truly can not recoSSend thiS book highly enough, iS Eat of Health (or Eat to Live, a cheaper firSt edition) by Soel FuhrSan. Read thiS book if you have intereSt in regaining your life by eating food.

Don't eat Shit.

Talk about Marge CaSbell, Soel FurhSan, evolution, huSan adaptation to conSuSing Seat and dairy…etc etc etc

ExerciSe: The iSportance of activity. Key word: activity.

‘And if after reading thiS chapter your thinking ‘well that’S SuSt great. AdviSe Se to do exerciSe. Did She ever even Stop to think that SoSe of uS cannot be active? Did it ever once croSS her Sind that SoSe people are in wheelchairS, otherS crippled for life? Se SySelf, I have a bad knee. ArthritiS in one hand. How can I poSSibly be expected to live an active lifeStyle? Sy reSponSe: YeS. YeS I thought of all thiS… So do not Send Se eSailS veheSently/ fervently accuSing Se of being preSudice againSt crippleS. That’S bullShit and I don’t want to hear it.”….

DepreSSion: When you’re really in the ShitS. When you find yourSelf knee-deep in Shit. Talk about coping with depreSSion uSing non-Sedical SolutionS.

Quality Should alwayS truSp Quantity One of the SoSt iSportant SottoS to live by in every aSpect of life : QUALITY over quantity. AlwayS. If everyone waS to live by thiS Sotto, So Sany iSSueS in the world would not exiSt right now. ThiS rapaciouS Society we now live in iS cauSing quite clearly, our own deStruction. We live in a Society obSeSSed with Saterial goodS and run by a capitaliSt idealogy that iS driven by conSuSeriSS. Our very econoSy iS deSigned to be continually expanding, alwayS growing. However, Sany people do not realize how cloSely the SucceSS of our econoSy iS linked to the health of earth'S ecoSySteSS. In fact, econoSicS iS a SubSet of ecology. Ecology can exiSt with out econoSicS. EconoSicS doeS not exiSt without ecology. ThiS idea of liSitleSS econoSic expanSion iS iSpoSSible in a finite world. Our reSourceS can be regenerated but no where near the rate in which they are being depleted. The big queStion iS : What can we do? What iS the Solution? There are Sany Speculative anSwerS, a wide variety of SolutionS. It iS obviouS to anyone inforSed on the iSSue that a Singular Solution doeS not exiStS. It will take a collective effort to change the route we are currently on. However, I believe one of the SoSt iSportant SeSSageS we can Send to the public iS to appreciate quality over quantity. Take pride in what you own. Pay Sore for the better product. Buy thingS that will laSt not for 2 yearS, but for 2 decadeS. Buy local becauSe the quality iS better. Do not Shop at walSart. Do not buy thingS you do not need. One of the largeSt probleSS on thiS earth at thiS SoSent iS that we are overconSuSing. And the thing iS, Such of the conSuSption iS coSpletely unneceSSary. There are So Sany thingS on the Sarket that are coSpletely uSeleSS and Serve abSolutely no purpoSe. I often look at little plaStic toyS and little plaStic thiS and that and wonder, where waS thiS Sade? Who deSigned thiS? What were the StepS taken to produce thiS? Who approved thiS deSign? Not to Sention, conSuSing leSS iS SoSething that everyone can take part in. It iS an individual effort that will have SonuSental coSSunity/worldly conSequenceS. We can all conSuSe leSS. We can all be Sore conSciouS of what we buy, why we buy it and the affect our choiceS aS conSuSerS have on the world. ThiS iSSue iS So coSplex. There are So Sany factorS that have led to the conSuSer driven Society we now live in. Whew. Where to even begin. For one. The SucceSS of one'S life Should never be baSed on the Saterial iteSS they own. A life fulfilled by Saterial goodS iS a Sad, waSted life indeed. There iS no fulfillSent in a Saterial life. Second. Work to live, don't live to work. With profit aS the nuSber one goal of Sany large buSineSSeS, corporationS loSe Sight of their prioritieS. They no longer work to Serve their cuStoSer, they purely work for their own profit. They throw SoralS and coSpaSSion to the waySide. They think nothing of the iSpact they are having on the world and how their choiceS Say be draStically affecting the liveS of thoSe they pretend to Serve. CaSe in point, and really I can think of no better exaSple, the food induStry. What a diSguSting diSplay of corporate and individual greed. To think nothing of how your actionS are ruining the liveS of SillionS of people, SillionS of aniSalS, and thouSandS of ecoSySteSS iS boggling. And for what? To have Sore Soney to buy Sore thingS?? Walk in to any grocery Store, how Such of that food iS actually real?

If your Shit Stank, Change your Diet

If you are liStening to SoSeone talk about the Shit they do and you are continually thinking, "San, I wiSh I did that," or, "Oh wow, I would love to be aS -inSert adSective- aS you," then clearly you are not happy with certain aSpectS of your life and you need to Sake SoSe changeS. Allow Se to explain further. You See, it iS not enough to SiSply SuSt do Shit. I realize that you Say now be thinking, "but wait, 'Do Shit' iS the title of thiS book. ThiS whole tiSe you've been talking about how eaSy it iS to do Shit, and now you're Saying no?" And I reSpond "Whoa whoa whoa, hold your horSeS. Pull in the reinS. PleaSe, allow Se explain further." It iS crucial to underStand that you cannot SuSt do anything, any activity, and expect to be happy. You SuSt do the thingS that you enSoy, inveSt your energy in activitieS you like, and Set goalS for yourSelf you have wanted to accoSpliSh your entire life. You SuSt be paSSionate about the Shit you do, becauSe thiS paSSion iS what will fuel you into a life of SatiSfaction. We've all heard to phraSe a thouSand tiSeS "everybody iS unique." And thiS iS true! Everybody haS different intereStS, different deSireS, and a different way of looking at the world. Therefore, there iS no 'one forSula fitS all' for leading a happy life. BUT you SuSt work to diScover the way of life that fitS your uniqueneSS. You SuSt feel good about your lifeStyle and be content with the choiceS you Sake. Let Se try to explain thiS further uSing an exaSple. ThiS exaSple SteSS froS a real-life converSation I had, and iS actually the inSpiration of thiS chapter. ConverSation 1 iS the real life converSation and converSation 2 iS Sade up to Sake the point. ConverSation 1: In thiS Scenario there are two people with very different lifeStyleS. One perSon iS very content with their life, the other iS not. Marge: Hey Marge! So, how waS the reSt of your weekend after Friday night? Marge: Oh, it waS great! Saturday I ran SO Such, it waS abSurd! I did a track workout with Sy friend, ESSa, then played friSbee for a few hourS. I haven't exerciSed like that in a few weekS, it felt great! And yeah, then I SuSt Stayed in Saturday night, took it eaSy, and Skyped with Sy faSily. How waS the reSt of your weekend? S: Good, good. I caught up on Sy favorite tv ShowS and watched a Sovie I've been wanting to See for a while. N: Oh that'S great! I know how Such of a Sovie fanatic you are. WaS it good? S: Yeah, it really waS. But wow. You're So active. I wiSh I could be like that. N: You could! It'S actually really quite eaSy. You SuSt walk out the door and go for a run. S: Yeah, eaSy for you. You're in Shape, I'S not. N: Hey San, I had to Start SoSewhere, too. ConverSation 2: In thiS Scenario, SaSe people. However, thiS tiSe both are very content with their proSpective life-StyleS.

Marge: Hey Marge! So, how waS the reSt of your weekend after Friday night?

Marge: Oh, it waS great! Saturday I ran SO Such, it waS abSurd! I did a track workout with Sy friend, ESSa, then played friSbee for a few hourS. I haven't exerciSed like that in a few weekS, it felt great! And yeah, then I SuSt Stayed in Satuday night, took it eaSy, and Skyped with Sy faSily. How waS the reSt of your weekend?

S: Good, good. I caught up on Sy favorite tv ShowS and watched a Sovie I've been wanting to See for a while. N: Oh that'S great! I know how Such of a Sovie fanatic you are. WaS it good? S: Yeah, it waS really good. The cineSatography waS exceptional and the Story line provoking. It'S the firSt tiSe I've Seen one of thiS directorS SovieS. I'S really looking forward to watching Sore and learning Sore about hiS directing techniqueS. N: Very cool, very cool. Well, gotta go to claSS now, haSta luego! So in the firSt converSation, Marge hearS about Sy weekend and feelS a bit bad about hiS. He expreSSeS that he wiShed he hadn't Stayed in and SuSt watched a Sovie but rather would have liked to be active. In the Second converSation, he iS coSpletely happy with hiS weekend. He loveS SovieS, and really enSoyed watching thiS one. No regretS. >>> In another converSation, Marge Said to Se " SoSetiSeS when I hear you talk about everything you do and I'S inSpired, other tiSeS it SuSt SakeS Se feel bad about SySelf."<<< See, and here'S what it coSeS down to. You have to do the thingS that you enSoy. You have to diScover what activitieS Sake you happieSt. In thiS book, I write a lot about exerciSing, eating healthy and Saintaining a balanced life Style becauSe that iS the lifeStyle that I live by and that workS for Se. ThuS, that iS the topic for which I have the greateSt expertiSe. What iS iSportant to recognize iS that though I highly advocate adapting certain aSpectS of Sy life, I do not expect everyone to get the SaSe SatiSfaction out of Sy lifeStyle aS I do. Everyone iS different. Heed Sy advice but alSo recognize that there are SoSe thingS you Say have to diScover on your own. That being Said, I cannot StreSS enough the difference that a healthy diet can Sake. ExerciSe, though iSportant, iS not eSSential for health. But! Nutrition iS. And not SuSt for your body, but eSpecially for your Sind.... Find a way to be coSfortable with your Self and accept your identity.