User:Mariam Shadad/Disaggregated Data/WiznerdTheEagle Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mariam Shadad


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mariam%20Shadad/Disaggregated_Data?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Disaggregated Data: General


 * I like your sections. The divisions make sense and the order is logical.
 * Data vs datum: you consistently use "data" as the singular (ex. "aggregate data is") and "datum" as the plural (ex. "the uses of these datum"). This is reversed from what is correct - data is the plural form of the word and datum is the singular. There are too many instances for me listing them to be meaningful (though I may call out some specific instances in my review as they go along with other feedback), but please go through your article and correct each instance.
 * Header formatting: You have not formatted your headers, just marked them as bold. For your headers, highlight them, then above where you see the drop down box that says "paragraph" change it to "Heading."
 * Bottom of the page: beneath the blue box under your draft is a set of pre-existing headers that your draft is supposed to be written under. Honestly I didn't notice these either and it's no big deal, just remember to go delete them.
 * Spelling of "disaggregated data": I know it makes it harder to spellcheck the word since its correct spelling still registers as incorrect, but you do consistently (particularly in your header) have typos in it such as missing the space or missing a g. "Aggregated" and "aggregate" spelled correctly don't register as incorrect, so try writing each without the "dis" at the front to be sure, then add the "dis."
 * Citation placement: The standard rule for where you place the citation is it goes after the period (ex: This is a statement I am citing.[1]). You have your citations between the word and the period (like this[1].) When you have quotation marks at the end of a sentence, the period goes inside the quotation marks ("Like this."[1]). Please fix.

Disaggregated Data: Bibliography


 * You have not completed your annotated bibliography. Please do so. It is accessible through the "Bibliography" link next to where you found your Sandbox link.

Disaggregated Data: Lead


 * The purpose of a lead section is to summarize the rest of your article, not including any information that isn't found elsewhere. I found the easiest way to make this work was to write the entire article first, making sure all key information appeared somewhere there, then finally write the lead by systematically summarizing key elements of the rest of the article. Your lead currently defines your concept, which is reasonable, but that definition does not appear elsewhere in the article and you have very little info from other parts of the article in your lead. I recommend putting your definitions later in the article (the Disaggregated vs aggregated data section would work well) and waiting to write the lead until you are done with the rest.
 * The first instance of the title of the article should be bolded.
 * "Disgaregated Data is data which..." Two things. One, the phrase "disaggregated data" is not a proper noun, so you should not capitalize either word unless it is at the start of a sentence (this goes for the rest of the article - there are a few different spots where you capitalize the phrase when you should not). Two, this is an instance where the data plural issue comes up. It should be "Disaggregated data are data which..."
 * "Contrastingly, aggregate data consists..." "Contrastingly "is not a word - replace with "in contrast." Also, this is an instance where the data plural issue comes up. It should be "aggregate data consist."
 * "...data compiled into a single source to better track general patterns, a common example would be of standardized testing ." This is a comma splice, as the section starting with "a common" is grammatically a full separate sentence. Either split it into two sentences or rephrase to make the latter half a subordinate clause.

Disaggregated Data: Disaggregated vs aggregated data


 * Section title: Correct the spelling. Also, the standard on Wikipedia is for section headers to not be capitalized beyond the first word, so remove the capital from the start of "Aggregate."
 * "combining aggregate data (AgD) results from publications. As such, meta-regression most commonly consists of conducting linear regression of the study results as a function of an effect modifier, both in the aggregate"
 * I'm pretty sure the "(AgD)" comes from the original source you are quoting. Since this is not a short form that you use in your article, please remove it from the quotation. (Yes, this kind of an edit to a quotation is allowed.)
 * On Wikipedia, do not directly quote without saying in the text who you are quoting. Even something as simple as "According to Kanters et al," would do the trick.
 * That said this is a fairly long quotation to be including on Wikipedia for something where using these precise words is not necessary. I recommend rephrasing in your own simpler words. I would suggest something like "This refers to the process of aggregating the results of multiple studies and analyzing all the data together." (Still cite your source FYI.) Since you're not getting into anything mathematical, there is no need to introduce statistical concepts like regression.
 * "The main difference between the two forms of data collection is that one aims to disseminate information (disaggregate) and the other (aggregate), strives to combine it" This does not appear to be the correct use of the word "disseminate," which means to spread something widely (as in to many places in a communication sense, not spreading like you would do to butter on toast).

Disaggregated Data: Background


 * "Disaggregate data is a concept found within Critical Data Studies and the study of Big Data ." Neither "critical data studies" nor "big data" are proper nouns, please remove the capitalization. Also, since you later use the acronym CDS to refer to critical data studies, include a "(CDS)" after you introduce the phrase in full to clarify the acronym.
 * "Discrete data is therefore an opposite of aggregate data, both of which may be employed to represent figures ." It is unclear what you mean by this sentence. Also, the sudden switch to the word "discrete" which never comes up again make it feel irrelevant.
 * "Big data is essential to the functioning of the modern society" Please rephrase this to better reflect the neutrality required of Wikipedia. Instead of "essential," which implies a certain value, consider referring instead to how often it is used in decision making by corporations and governments.
 * "is necessary to disseminating data, and further applying it ." Again, I really don't think "disseminating" is the word you were looking for here. I'm not certain what you're trying to say here.

Disaggregated Data: Theories and connections


 * I won't review on too granular a level since it is clear this section is still an active work in progress.
 * Include a couple of lines before you launch into your list contextualizing what the list is for. Just something simple like how disaggregated data have a significant role in many fields, including but not limited to those listed below.
 * Formatting: instead of just typing numbers and hitting enter, please use the numbered list formatting that exists within the Wikipedia tool. Highlight the section you want to be your numbered list, then above click on the dropdown next to "Cite" that looks like a bullet list. One of the options is a numbered list.
 * "Feminist theoiey" The singular of "theories" is "theory."
 * The general formatting of "item (explanation in brackets)" doesn't really work. I recommend instead "Item: explanation," using colons. When you start inserting wikilinks connecting your article to existing articles, it would make a lot of sense for especially items in this list to connect to other articles.
 * Remember, no direct quotations without including in the text who the quotation is from.

Disaggregated Data: Limitations of disaggregated data


 * I like that you're including a section on limitations. For an avenue to look into, I suggest looking for people talking about how the more you disaggregate data the smaller the groupings become, and the harder it is to make statistically significant claims.

Disaggregated Data: References

Don't mind the citations that appear at the bottom here. They come from copy-pasting your in-text citations.
 * There are a couple of citations where the automatically filled fields have issues that either Wikipedia is directly flagging as wrong (the ones with red text) or look like they filled slightly wrong on their own (your Glossary of Education citations where the author is listed as "sabbott (2015-07-14)" which looks like a partial name and the date together in the Name field). A citation being generated automatically does not mean it was generated correctly - you have to review it to confirm all fields are correct.
 * I like the variety in your sources. However, I do see a lot of websites and not a lot of books or peer-reviewed journals. Be sure you have more official sources and not just websites or you risk your article being taken down as not properly substantiated. I recommend starting with your textbook and looking for relevant information. Check the index for "aggregation" and go to each page listed seeing if there is anything you can use. Not only can you cite the textbook, but you can look at who Kitchin is citing in the sections you decide are relevant, find their info in the Bibliography, and find those sources yourself since they may have more good info.