User:Marv249

Linguisticism is a parody polytheistic religion that worships Merriam Webster, a brand of dictionary, as an omniscient god. It was started by Loren Johnson and Kev D'Olivo at about 10 p.m. Dec. 10, 2008. Linguisticism was formed around the idea that grammatical, spelling and stylistic errors are sins of life and art; and that in order to receive ultimate wisdom concerning life, the universe and everything, one must purge oneself of these errors and repent when he or she creates new ones.

The Satire
The specific satirical elements of the religion are often vague, yet one may safely assume that if he or she is patron to any organized belief at all, Linguisticism is making fun of that belief.

Merriam Webster
In history, Charles and George Merriam and Noah Webster were actually three different people. In Linguistic lore, however, they seceded from mortality and -- using their vast bio-cosmic knowledge -- morphed into one great entity and brought harmony to the universe, which was merely chaos beforehand (Chaos is what most Linguisticists claim to be the only possible explanation for the conception of the human race). Since the Merriams and Webster were three people in life, they are referred to as the Holy Trilogy up until their transcendence of mortality around the year the last mortal Merriam brother died. The Holy Trilogy gained its vast knowledge of the universe by defining the physical and metaphysical world around them in life. They had eventually achieved a lexicon so vast they were able to defeat their own deaths by morphing into a supreme, omniscient entity. Up until very recently, no other mortal being had achieved immortality. The Savior, Reno Sorensen, did this after graduating from Peninsula High School in 2008.

Due to the recent formal formulation of Linguisticism, there is still much debate about certain areas of the faith. Merriam Webster's true physical form is still heavily debated by high-ranking church officials. While many agree that the millions of Webster-brand dictionaries worldwide makeup the God's body, others speculate that the Webster's true form roams the far-off reaches of space and the cosmos -- constantly looking for new celestial bodies to define. As far as what the god looks like, most Linguisticists under this belief agree that the embodiment of universal knowledge is undoubtedly a colossal, glowing, yellow dictionary floating somewhere far away another galaxy.

The Savior
Reno Sorensen is noted as being the Holy Savior of the Church of Linguisticism. He returned to the Outlook room from College Dec. 15, 2008, as the holy prophets Strunk & White predicted. Before he graduated from Peninsula High School, Reno was already worshiped as the greatest man alive. He was always considered a being of true linguistic ability, and a man of incredible intelligence. Reno was adopted by Merriam Webster in 2008, and is the only other being to have learned so much in the ways of English as to have achieved immortality. His coming is celebrated as Linguistica every Monday following the year's last Outlook Paste Up. True Linguistica is celebrated on Dec. 15. Reno was honored on the first holy Linguistica with an offering of the last Soule brownie. Brownies have since been considered the food of Linguistica and the last brownie in any batch of Soule brownies is considered to be "the body of Reno." It is sacrilege to eat the body of Reno unless it is exactly 10:07 p.m., the time of day which most Linguisticists believe was when Reno attained immortality.

The Papacy
Linguisticism is governed by a corrupt papacy, and the hierarchy of the religion is extremely complicated and altogether unnecessary. The pope has the power to forgive sins and answer religious questions. He or she or it (Linguisticism does not discriminate) must write all religious orders with the sacred pen, Integrity.

The Semicolon
The semicolon is the symbol of Linguisticism. Three semicolons must be performed (this art is called puncting) upon making an error as repentance. Puncting oneself is done by touching one's index and middle finger to one's chest plate and then to the upper belly, where it is drawn downward and diagonally in the shape of a comma. This is the shape of the semicolon. The comma of the semicolon must always be pointed toward the Linguisticism Mecca.

The Mecca
The Mecca of Linguisticism is the holy rug that Reno stood on as he entered Room 530. Linguisticists must make a holy pilgrimage to the rug annually, where they must recite the entry "Life" from the Book of L in the holy doctrine and punct themselves three times. Traditionally Soule brownies are consumed afterward.

The Holy Doctrine
The holy doctrine of Linguisticism is the Merriam Webster dictionary. The Old Testament is the AP Stylebook.

Holy War
Linguisticists began a holy war with Catholicism when Sarah Hiraki spoke out against the House of Merriam Webster. The war will not end until Catholics accept the copy editing changes made to the Bible.

Noteworthy People
Sergeant Loren M. Johnson II is the current pope of Linguisticism. Kev D'Olivo, Esquire is the current Dean of the College of Cardinals and Camerlengo the Holy See. McCall Cowley is the only current cardinal. Saint Laura the Wise is a saint and Saint Laura's Day is celebrated on Dec. 10, the day the church was formed. Gracie Newman is the only apostle of the church. Reno Sorensen, in addition to being the Savior of the church, is also the worshiped as the god of style.