User:MasaraFargo/Adoption and Safe Families Act/Jmjohnson43 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

MasaraFargo


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:MasaraFargo/Adoption_and_Safe_Families_Act?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Adoption and Safe Families Act

Lead
The lead in the new version of the article is improved in comparison to the current version as it adds more detail and a better overview of what is to come in the rest of the article. One area of improvement could be to add a brief description of the provisions of the bill since it is discussed heavily later on. An additional sentence on the impact (to allude to the entire section dedicated to impact later on) would be helpful as well.

Content
The content is up to date and the addition of the bill's legislative history is well done. The added context of provisions previously in the bill is a nice touch. The only critique I have to offer is to touch up the grammar in a few areas, but there is very minor.

Tone and Balance
The additions to the original article are unbiased and of neutral tone. However, the original article does heavily attribute the bill to Hillary Clinton, which is something worth investigating and amending if necessary. I would also be sure to check the sources in the impact section to ensure that the data being offered is not skewed somehow. Be sure to not draw your own conclusions since the goal isn't to persuade readers.

Sources and References
As mentioned in the "tone and balance" portion, be sure to check the sources of the impact section, and perhaps alter the section so it is not directly quoting from its source material. Also, it appears that in the legislative history section, there are no sources for the parts on Clinton's signature and Representative Camp's introduction of the bill. A source (or several) will help bolster the article a great deal.

Organization
The organization of the new version of the article is concise and flows well. Changing the section on provisions is especially helpful for the readers comprehension of what the law consists of. If there is enough content available, one suggestion would be to take the provisions section out of bullet point form and use sentences to describe the legislation in more detail. Using subheadings in this section could add an additional layer of visual appeal as well.

Images and Media
Not applicable.

Overall Impressions
Overall, the improvements to the article compared to the original are substantial. The lead is improved, the addition of legislative history is well done, and the new sections are written in a neutral manner. My suggestion would be to revisit the grammar in each section and reform the previously written sections to match the flow and neutrality of your work. Expanding upon the "major provisions and tactics" section would be beneficial as well. Nice job!