User:Matisse123/Iphis/Crocaholic Peer Review

HI!

Looking at the edits you are planning on makeup here is what I would change

Unless this is a quote and in quotations, I would take out "there was a humbly-born, but well-respected," because it makes the article bias and its just superfluous to the actual story.

"attended by Anubis, Bubastis or Bastet, Apis, the god of silence (Harpocrates), Osiris, and the Egyptian serpent." this part gets a little confusing and I know its a list of possibilities but I would try and make it a little less dense and separate it out some more.

"guaranteed assistance to the woman" what assistance is she guaranteed? I might also rephrase that sentence to say something of disobeying her husband and raising the child no matter the gender. Personally it makes it sound like he wanted her to abort the baby.

"Unaware of the truth and taking her suitor for a man like everyone else did, Ianthe fell in love with Iphis, with whom she had been instructed with and shared the same teachers" this sentence is a little bit of a run on.

I think overall you have a stronger article than the one you're working with. I think at the end it gets a little confusing and there are some run on sentences. There are a few places where you could be a little more concise but I think its good overall. If you can, I would also try to find more sources or make a bibliography so that it could be a little stronger.