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Conflict Aggression Styles

Indirect Communication: People can express conflict through indirect communication, which involves conveying an intended message while trying to avoid arousing the opposing party. Where a person using direct aggression would attack the position of the opposing party, someone using indirect communication to address a conflict could pose a question to the opposing party to show their disagreement without saying so directly to their face. Using indirect communication would be saying something like, “Don’t you think that is a bad idea?” This doesn’t attack the opposing point of view, but it expresses that the speaker is in disagreement with the other party.

Assertion: The assertive conflict expression style takes skill and is the most useful style. It falls between indirect communication and direct aggression on the scale of conflict expression. A person using the assertive style skillfully expresses their needs, thoughts, and feelings without judging the other person. In most cases, forming a proper assertive message will help to get the conflict resolved quickly, and with little trouble. First, an assertive message should include a description of the behavior being discussed, such as “You borrowed money from me last week.” Second, an assertive message should include and interpretation of the other person’s behavior and your feelings about their actions. For example, “ It was rude of you to not pay me back, and I am upset with you.” Finally, an assertive message will state the consequences and the future intentions of the conflict. “ If you do not pay me back, I’ll be very angry, and will never loan you money again.” This statement is assertive and direct. With a clear message people can better communicate and work together towards a resolution.

Non-Assertion: One style for conflict expression is non-assertion. When using this style, an individual experiences an inability or unwillingness to express thoughts or feelings in a conflict. One example of non-assertion is avoidance (when we sidestep or turn our back on conflict). When we completely ignore the conflict or tell ourselves that it does not exist, we are avoiding the conflict. Avoidance also occurs when we shift topics during conversation, communicate via text message, or crack jokes during conversation to change the focus. Another example of non-assertion is accommodating. This occurs when we yield to the needs and desires of others during a conflict. It is important to accommodate in order to demonstrate reasonableness and to build the relationship. Accommodation can be a suitable style for conflict management in many contexts.

Direct Agression: Direct aggression is the most extreme and aggressive of the conflict expression styles. One who uses direct aggression confronts the other person in a way that attacks his or her position. Direct aggression is an ineffective way of managing conflict and often involves yelling and confrontational behavior. This style of conflict expression addresses the problem at hand, but does so in a way that is not conducive to compromise.

Indirect Aggression: Conflict can also be expressed indirectly in a must more hostile approach, which is referred to as indirect aggression. This is communication that is meant to attack another person without directly assaulting them. Forms of indirect aggression could include using gossip and spreading false rumors. Communicating in this manner would be very harmful for the victim, even though the aggressor never directly attacked him or her.

References: Rothwell, Dan, ed. In the Company of Others: an Introduction to Communication. 3rd. New York: Oxford University Press, 2010. 1496-208. Print.