User:MayoGold/Carlos Lopez (artist)/CatAgu23 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

MayoGold's draft of the Carlos Lopez article


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:MayoGold/Carlos Lopez (artist)


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Carlos Lopez (artist)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead -


 * Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer?
 * I am not sure since there is no indication if the first paragraph is the lead or not. There is new content included though that was not in original articles lead.
 * Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections?
 * Somewhat. There is an indication about the contents of the article in the first paragraph but it does not have a clear enough indication of which topics are to be addressed later in the article.
 * Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed?
 * It feels a bit over detailed if the first paragraph is the lead. It touches more on the goals of the painter, and feels a little opinionated about what the artist was trying to achieve with their work.

Content -


 * Is the content added relevant to the topic? Is the content added up-to-date?
 * The added content does appear to be relevant since majority of it is about the artist and their artistic accomplishments.
 * Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong?
 * The article might benefit from more content on the artists personal life, i.e. their family and their life before they continued their education at the university level.
 * Does the article deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps? Does it address topics related to historically underrepresented populations or topics?
 * There are some mentions that the artist was creating artworks about under represented communities, but only when referring briefly to the artworks they were commissioned to create. There is also the inclusion that the artist themselves dealt with criticism since they were seen as " being unfamiliar with their culture due to ‘racial features’", but this is not expanded on much and could benefit form further investigation on this issue.

Tone and Balance -


 * Is the content added neutral? Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another?
 * it appears to be, there is no real indication of this being an article that attempts to sway the audience.

Sources and References -


 * Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information?
 * No. There is a lot of content that does not appear to have a reference associated with it. The article could benefit from more source references since there are quotes included that do not have an indication as to what source it comes from.
 * Check a few links. Do they work?
 * The third source does not open to a useable source. It instead presents a 404 error. See if there is another source that presents the information being used in the last paragraph.

Organization -


 * Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read? Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors? Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic?
 * Some overall hiccups I am seeing are that your tenses are not consistent. Some things are referred to in the present tense like this line, "In 1937 to 1942, Carlos Lopez worked as an art teacher at University of Michigan in Detroit where he teaches art to his students", in your sixth paragraph. Majority is in the past tense so I assume that is what you are trying to do so just take a second look at everything.
 * There are also some sentence structure issues that make somethings a little hard to understand. Your second paragraph has a few examples of this, mainly when you are listing items is feels a little awkward so I would recommend structuring them as x,y, & z, instead of x& y, z etc, aa.
 * Something that may also help this would be to create more definitive sections. It looks like you have a clear Lead, but after that I think you should separate the artwork commissions, education, and his personal life to help with the readability.

Overall


 * Overall this is a really good amount of information you have included and it feels as though you did very thorough research on Carlos Lopez. With a good look through, a lot of the grammar and sentence issues could be fixed in the article. Really editing could be your priority from what I can see, based on the article as it is now. Your article actually helped me realize I need to do some editing and inclusion of information in my own article like references more specific works, as you did.