User:Mblucas/Tyrone Hayes/Wamderful Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mblucas, Melboun, Noorchaudhryy, Smallah


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mblucas/Tyrone_Hayes?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Tyrone Hayes

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

In the second sentence you guys changed the original sentence

Original: "known for his research concluding that the herbicide atrazine is an endocrine disruptor that demasculinizes and feminizes male frogs."

to Edited: "He is known for his research in frogs, concluding that the herbicide atrazine is an endocrine disruptor that demasculinizes male frogs, causing them to display female characteristics, which is known as feminization"

I think its good to seperate this into 2 sentences like you did. I was torn between you guys being repetitive, however I think I like your sentence more than the original because its easier for the reader to understand.

Original: "Hayes is an advocate for the critical review and regulation of pesticides as well as other chemicals that may cause adverse health effects. "

I think you guys can elaborate more on the adverse health effects that these pesticides cause.

Original: "He has presented hundreds of papers, talks, and seminars on his conclusions that environmental chemical contaminants have played a role in global amphibian declines and in the health disparities that occur in minority and low income populations."

Edited: "He has presented hundreds of papers, discussions, and seminars on his research's conclusion that environmental contaminants have played a major role in the global amphibian decline as well as being linked to the many health disparities that occur in minority and low income populations."

I like that you guys are making it easier for the reader to understand, however I think this whole sentence is just confusing in general and can probably be broken up into 2 sentences.

I like that you guys added your own subtitles for data discrepancies and workplace misconduct. However, I think the workplace misconduct section might be a little harsh on Tyrone. I think it sound kind of like celebrity gossip, I think being more vague in this situation might be more beneficial than giving all the details, because it might sound biased or like you guys are spilling some tea. I think this is something you might want to discuss with Professor Biga.

Overall Good job!