User:Mbrookemac/Food security/Eblokland Peer Review

General info
Mbrookemac
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Mbrookemac/Food security:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Food security:

Evaluate the drafted changes
Neutrality

The article is well-balanced, and no statements are given persuading the reader in a specific way. For example, there are no 'I think' or 'I believe' statements within the article. To remain neutral within the added sections, you supported statistics or facts with evidence from peer-reviewed sources. An example includes: “Transgender people are also at an elevated risk for food insecurity compared to cisgendered people”. Without an intext citation, this statement could have been interpreted as an opinion. In addition, without the use of in text citations in the following sentence it could have been interrupted as an opinion as well “Instances of mental illness as well as disadvantageous conditions like unemployment and disabilities, and homelessness”. Also, in terms of sources, all the sources listed are from peer-reviewed sources and are not from a blog or a newspaper where bias information might be presented.

Clarity

The sentence structure and the writing style was good for the sections added to this article. Within the added sections, I think that the data provided clear evidence of the impact that ethnic minorities and LGBTQIA+ communities face. Although addition statistically information could provide a better understanding of the background of why this is an issue. In addition, the examples provided in the text were clear and no sentences were confusing. For example, the following sentence provides an example to the reader of why insects could be used as an alternative food source: “There are also environmental benefits from using insects as a food source: Insects require significantly less feed, can be used in feed, and releases fewer CO2 emissions than conventional animal food sources”. In addition, the following sentence was beneficial in terms of clarity “Ancient Roman soldiers may have eaten insects like locusts when resources were low. In modern times, the Pedis people of South Africa incorporate caterpillars into their diet while Palm Weevils are eaten in places like Africa, Latin America, and Asia”. This sentence provided content of alternative diets and how these diets were used in historical times and are also used today.

Balanced Coverage

The added sections are well balanced in relation to the published Wikipedia page. For example, the expansion of the sections ‘Alternative Diets’ and ‘Vulnerable Groups most Affected’ created a more balanced article then what was previously published. To improve slightly, more statistically information could be beneficial to gain a better understanding of why ethnic minorities and LGBTQIA+ suffer from food insecurity. This would create a well-rounded addition to the article and allow for full understanding of the topic.

Structure

The structure of the added sections is good in relation to the article. The expansion of the “Vulnerable Groups most Affected” was needed for this article to get a full understanding of how different groups are affected by food security. In addition, the expansion of the section “Alternative Diets” was useful for understanding different ways that food security can be increased in certain areas.

Sources

The sources listed in the reference section appear to be peer- reviewed papers and there are no sources listed that are from blogs or newspapers that may present bias information. A few more citations could be used to ensure reliable information is stated within this article. For example, the following sentence could use a citation: “Insects may provide a sustainable option for protein sources containing 13-77% protein by dry weight”. This sentence could use a citation to ensure the accuracy of the inserts containing 13-77% protein. In addition, the following sentence could use a citation “some insects may also be used as a fat source boasting up to 67.25% lipids by dry weight.”. This sentence could also use a citation due to the data (67.25% lipids by dry weight) to ensure the accuracy of this information.

Suggestions for Improvement

Overall, the addition of sections to ‘Alternative Diets’ and ‘Vulnerable Groups most affected’ was well written, easy to understand, and you remained neutral throughout the article. A few improvements could include a few more citations where statistically data was added to the article. For example, the following sentence could use a citation: “In the United States of America alone, around 1.5 million people identify as transgender”. In addition, as mentioned previously the following sentence could also use a citation: “Insects may provide a sustainable option for protein sources containing 13-77% protein by dry weight”. In terms of balanced coverage, the addition of more statistically information could help provide a clear understanding of why ethnic minorities and LGBTQIA+ are suffering from food insecurity.