User:Mbrookemac/Food security/Joeyslinger1 Peer Review

General info
Mbrookemac
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Mbrookemac/Food security
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Food security
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Food security
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Food security

Evaluate the drafted changes
Neutrality


 * Article is written in a neutral viewpoint. There was no "I" statements nor were there statements that seemed to lead to a biased conclusion. Your neutrality was greatly benefited by the fact you support all statements with citations to credible sources which maintain their own neutrality while coming to the conclusions you convey to the readers. An example of this was "Transgender people are also at an elevated risk for food insecurity compared to cisgendered people."
 * Here's one example where you could benefit from a citation to make it seem like less of a opinion statement "Being at risk of occupying several of these positions, transgender people may experience food insecurity at a higher rate."

Clarity and Structure


 * Clear sentence structure, very few grammatical/spelling errors, and no run-on sentences. Added sections fit well where you placed them.
 * Hyperlinks could be added to provide more clarity as readers can hover over them to get a short definition of what you are talking about for example: "Instances of mental illness as well as disadvantageous conditions like unemployment and disabilities, and homelessness." Also add comma in sentence above rather than "and"

Balanced Coverage


 * Added balance to the published Wikipedia page. Could have better coverage on added sections about minority/LGBTQIA+ by adding research done in other countries so it extends to other parts of the world outside of America (Europe/Australia perhaps would be easiest to find similar research). See my "Suggestions for Improvement" for possible additions pertaining to other sections of the article for increasing balanced coverage further.

Sources


 * Sources and citations follow correct formatting and are reliable.
 * More sources could be added especially in sections about Yemen and Uganda.
 * As mentioned above you should either specify your minority section as an American minority section or broaden it including studies from other countries such as this article about food insecurity among Aborigines in Australia along with other studies on food insecurity among other Indigenous groups elsewhere if you wanted to broaden minority groups section.

Suggestions for Improvement

Your written inputs were very beneficial to the article as a whole! Well done. I feel like you could add more hyperlinks. That's what makes Wikipedia so special and provides great definitions and explanatory power to your article. As previously mentioned, I think your inputs on minorities/ LGBTQIA+ needs to specify that you are talking about these groups in an American context as all your studies referenced take place in United States.

Other topic possibilities to add if inclined


 * Also on another note based on the article as a whole I feel you could (if interested) add small paragraphs within the agricultural sections (Agrifood systems) which mention the failures of the Green Revolution in regards to the developing world. Mainly the enforcement of Western agricultural systems in environments and societies that have a different way of living. You could then also mention the plantations set up in developing countries which do not provide nutritional or food security for people within the country but rather provide cheap commodities to people outside their countries.