User:Meegleague/Bes/Swanson24 Peer Review

General info
MeegLeague
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Meegleague/Bes
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Bes

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:Paragraph 1 of lead is very well written and gives a good sense of what the article will dive into later on. Maybe change up the sentence "...ancient Egyptian deity, a deity..." by getting rid of the second deity just to limit being repetitive.

Great summary for Paragraph 2, I am so ready to learn more about him.

Very concise writing with a solid brief description of both his origins and his importance to Egyptian culture. I love that you included how far Bes's influence has reached! Very interesting.

Origin:

Paragraph 1 is very insightful. Could you possibly explain more on why Bes meaning Cat relates to its Nubian origins? This could also be put into a separate section titled "Etymology" to dive deeper into his name's meaning. Are there specific temples Bes figures have been found in? If so, listing a few of his locations would be helpful to see how far his popularity was spread out.

Paragraph 2 is very solidified and flows well with the section. I think it would be interesting to talk more about where else Bes was found. You had mentioned a jug, but are there any other ceramics or tiles that also depict Bes?

Worship:

Paragraph 1, I love that you included what he was worshipped for and that he was a household protector. The list of his tasks was insightful! Maybe add a bit more on his relationship to Taweret. I know she is not the focal point of this article, but adding what she represents and why Bes and Taweret are usually paired together would be helpful for an audience that is unfamiliar with Ancient Egypt.

Paragraph 2, I love the explanation of the importance on how he was portrayed (full face etc), that is very interesting and I would not think that would be of any importance but it really is! If there is any information on it, could you include what it means to be portrayed as full face portrait? Later on in paragraph 2, I love that you talked about his uses and what good things he represents! You mention that he is depicted and found mainly in homes, signifying that more "average" Egyptians worshipped him. Did any higher class Egyptians worship him, such as Kings, Pharaohs, or even overseers?

Paragraph 3,4,5, I think all of these sections provide really nice supporting details, especially about Bes being exported into Crete! I had no idea! Is there a reason why the female counterpart Beset was more popular in Crete? I find it really interesting how far his influence spread and why either his male or female figure gained popularity. I love that you included this and I think it provides great supporting details for his importance.

Figurines:

I love this section and I think all of the images are very important to the article. I would maybe mention some of the other items Bes was found on that you had mentioned before in other sections such as the armor plates. Seeing the variety of the figurines is really cool and I think you should keep all of these images in the article.

Tattoos:

Great, concise facts on Bes's representation and very interesting. I hope you find a photo! Are there any other instances of Bes as a tattoo on someone? I would try to find a few more examples of this but if not, maybe condense the tattoo section into the worship section where the tattoo is fist mentioned.

Jugs:

Paragraph 1 is very well written and includes really good insight on the influences of Bes again. Since there is so many different instances of Bes's influence expanding, maybe you could create a section specifically on those influences and how far they reach. I like the section on Jugs but it has more to do with influence that ceramics which is totally fine! I want to know more about what other cultures adapted Bes into their own and where we see that!

Paragraph 2 provides more info on specifically the jugs and other ceramics which feels like it should be separate from the other info. Could you possibly keep the Jugs section with some of paragraph 1 and all of 2 and title it ceramics since you discuss more than just jugs? Then the influence could be moved to its own section. All just suggestions but overall the information is very well explained and detailed just enough, yet still concise.

Popular Culture:

Love the list format! I might have to do the same. I really like being able to see what media chose to incorporate Bes into their stories and I really like the format you chose, as well as the Links you imposed into it.

Organization of the article:

Overall I feel that this article is very well organized. I would suggest adding an influences section as discussed above to better categorized the information being discussed in the section. The Jugs section mainly discusses influence, which to me should be its own section as the information is very valuable!

There are a few very minor spelling/ grammatical errors, paragraph 1 of the leads double deity being the most visible to me.

Tone/ Balance:

The tone throughout the entire article stays neutral. There is no argument within the article fighting for Bes to represent something that we do not know for sure. The author has never claimed something to be true and instead puts working like "it is said" or "might" in order to not create a biased approach to the information researched.

There are no viewpoints that feel underrepresented to me, other than maybe including if higher class ancient Egyptians used Bes at all. Other than that, this content explores Bes thoroughly without favoriting some representations over others.

Sources/ References:

Each section is always backed by a source linked directly to the statement which is very helpful! There is one reference that I do want to know more about and that is Taweret. Maybe explaining her importance to Bes as well as what she represents would be helpful!

I know you mentioned that you are correcting the original author for their lack of sources and I feel that you are doing an excellent job. There were no statements made without the cited source next to it.

Images:

I love all of the images you have included and this that all of them are important. They add to the content of this article and help the audience see the variety of items Bes was featured on. They look to be all in accordance to Wikipedia's CC rule as well!

I would love if you could include an image or two in the popular culture section, just to see what these modern media sources portray Bes as.

Overall:

I loved the work you put into this article and I feel that it is concise, detailed, and informative. My biggest suggestions would be to add and influence section in order to better encompass Bes's mass expansion of influence he has!

The content has remained neutral and I feel that this article is very strong. Small grammatical changes should be made to limit repetitiveness, but overall it is excellent. Great job!