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Main article: Relational transgression

Conceptualizing forgiveness[edit]
Waldron and Kelly (2008) tell us that the process of forgiveness starts when a relational partner commits a transgression or harmful act. Transgressors may attempt to communicate with the victim to seek forgiveness through explicit or indirect requests Individuals tend to experience a wide array of complex emotions following a relational transgression. These emotions are shown to have utility as an initial coping mechanism. For example, fear can result in a protective orientation following a serious transgression; sadness results in contemplation and reflection  while disgust causes us to repel from its source. However, beyond the initial situation these emotions can be detrimental to one's mental and physical state. Consequently, forgiveness is viewed as a more productive means of dealing with the transgression along with engaging the one who committed the transgression.

Forgiving is not the act of excusing or condoning. Rather, it is the process whereby negative emotions are transformed into positive emotions for the purpose of bringing emotional normalcy to a relationship. In order to achieve this transformation the offended must forgo retribution and claims for retribution. McCullough, Worthington, and Rachal (1997) defined forgiveness as a, “set of motivational changes whereby one becomes (a) decreasingly motivated to retaliate against an offending relationship partner, (b) decreasingly motivated to maintain estrangement from the offender, and (c) increasingly motivated by conciliation and goodwill for the offender, despite the offender’s hurtful actions”. In essence, relational partners choose constructive behaviors that show an emotional commitment and willingness to sacrifice in order to achieve a state of forgiveness.

Pseudo-Forgiveness

''Sheldon and Antony (2019) speak on "pseudo-forgiveness," or a type of conditional forgiveness strategy that acknowledges a transgression, but does not entirely resolve it. For instance, married partners might acknowledge the presence of an extramarital affair, but not seek counseling, divorce, or other solutions. Instead, partners often reach a mutual decision to suppress or ignore the transgression. Partners, especially married ones, tend to want to "move on" and "never speak of it again." This strategy is more of a defense mechanism, rather than a forgiveness method. No actual forgiveness occurs and this method can be as harmful to the relationship as the original transgression.''

Forgiveness and benefits for relationships
'' Forgiveness is beneficial not only to the offender, but to the victim as well. Forgiveness can allow for a release of stress, anger, bitterness, and an increase in individual well-being. Forgiveness allows the victim to openly speak to the offender about how the transgression hurt or affected them and allows them to take part in the response to the transgression. Forgiveness can be linked to positive relationships affects after a partner's transgressions, such as improved communication, increased relational effort, and better conflict resolution, though it can still be difficult to forgive a partner. Some transgressions affect the victim more than others and it may be difficult to speak to the offender, much less offer and grant forgiveness. ''

'' Some factors affect the likelihood of forgiveness. Higher satisfaction, commitment, and investment in the relationship often results in a higher likelihood of forgiveness and more constructive forgiving communication. Many different factors affect how people understand and handle forgiveness. These can be: relational commitment, religion, and the severity of the transgressions. ''

Communicating Forgiveness
''After conceptualizing forgiveness, partners must learn how to communicate it. Interpersonal communication should play a large role in the forgiveness process and is integral to relationship repair . There are many ways that forgiveness can manifest in relationships after a transgression.''

Scholars have identified multiple types of forgiveness:


 * 1) Intellectual/emotional
 * 2) Conditional
 * 3)  Unilateral/bilateral 

Waldron and Kelly (2008) defined at least six communication processes that help to bring about forgiveness :


 * 1) Revealing and discovering transgressions, or the moment when one partner realizes that the other has committed a transgression. This might be the moment one partner discovers texts or artifacts signaling an affair or one partner admitting their transgressions.
 * 2) Communicating emotions, or sharing how the transgression affected you and made you feel. A partner might communicate that the transgression made them feel angry, upset, or any range of emotions. This signals to the offender that their actions and transgression have affected their partner.
 * 3) Sense-making, or developing an understanding of the transgression and navigating the affects of it.
 * 4) Seeking forgiveness, or the offender looking to the victim to grant forgiveness.
 * 5) Granting forgiveness, or the victim granting the offender forgiveness.
 * 6)  Negotiating the relationship, or determining how to move forward in the relationship after the transgression. For minor transgressions, these processes can be moved through rather quickly. For more major transgressions, such as affairs, this process can be long and drawn out. Negotiating the relationship can look like many things, such as a conversation, a break up, divorce, etc. 

There are also five strategies that couples use to forgive each other:


 * 1) Nonverbal display, or individual nonverbal acts such as a hug or kiss.
 * 2) Conditional, or forgiveness granted with certain stipulations, such as an agreement to end the behavior causing the transgression, or behaviors that "make-up" for the transgression.
 * 3) Minimizing, or undermining the perceived severity of the transgression, which allows the victim to move on more quickly and not deal with the affects of the transgression.
 * 4) Discussion, or dialogue between partners, which allows for a mutual understanding of what happened. why it happened, and how it affected both the offender and victim.
 * 5) Explicit, or a straightforward "I forgive you," often coupled with other strategies.

'' If granted, forgiveness has the ability to either strengthen, normalize, or weaken the relationship. ''