User:Memphis2027/Deaf President Now/CoL1234567 Peer Review

General info
Memphis2027
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Memphis2027/Deaf President Now
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Deaf President Now

Lead
- The lead needs to be updated to sort of include a sentence or two about your major edits. Should include something about how deaf movements before DPN had not been portrayed in the media and this was the first major protest that was conducted by the deaf community or the deaf community of Gallaudet.

- The lead's introductory sentence is sufficient and gives a good idea of what the movement is and who performed it.

- The lead has a good description of the major sections, but more could be added to go a little bit more in depth so that people know what they are going to be reading about.

- The lead contains all information that is in the article or the article references lead information to help support their other information.

- The lead is a good length and could go a little bit more in detail but too much more detail than what it already has would make it over detailed.

Content
- Yes the major edits for sure are very relevant to the topic and state how this was the first major deaf protest and how it was the first protest made by the students at Gallaudet that was featured in an article.

- As far as I know the content that was added to the article is up-to-date and accurate.

- There seems to be no content that was added that is missing or that it doesn't belong there. There is some stories in the major edits that seem like they could go without being said but I think that it is interesting enough information that it is good to be included.

- Yes this major edit is a huge addition to a short article that showcases why it was such a big deal and how it was the first major protest.

Tone and Balance
- I think that changing this line "This image is important because she wasn't signing it to anyone within a conversation, instead she was using it more as a symbol." to something along the lines of "The importance of this image is shown in that fact that ...." which brings it to more neutrality because you aren't saying it is important you are stating that it is important and making it seem like it is not an opinion but more of a fact.

- There are no claims that seem heavily biased towards one side or the other.

- I think that there are no view points that are over or under represented. Just try to cover all of the facts and not leaning towards taking facts from one source and everything should be good.

- No the content does not attempt to persuade anyone.

Sources and References
- All of the boxes under this section seem to be checked and the sources are very good and provide some valuable information that was used in the edits.

- From my limited searching the main articles or sources that I could find are already listed here and none of the articles that I could find were of any extra value other than as another source to back up the information that the other sources are already giving.

Organization
- The content is well written but there are a few things that could be changed in the major edit grammar wise. I will include those below.

Many political movements before DPN typically had a negative frame. Before 1988, the Deaf community had not been portrayed in the media, alongside the tension that was rising throughout the University. As more journalists started covering the movement, a more positive outlook started. The reporters used 4 mainframes: effective conduct, external support, internal unification, and justifiable action. External support and internal unification were both used towards the start and the middle stages. They framed the movement in a way to gather more people to talk about the things that were occurring within Gallaudet. The New York Times produced a headline that said, “Campus Protest by the Deaf Is Widening”, and it focused on the main groups who joined the movement to fight for a new president. Justifiable action and effective conduct were used in the later stages of the movement and supported the movement's goals. The New York Times produced an article that stated the movement, and the protesters had a right to ask for the change. The Washington Post said there is pressure being placed on Capitol Hill due to the protests. Almost all of the photos taken of the protesters were positive. All images showed the protesters as large groups to show the unified determination to elect a deaf president.

Both Elisabeth Zinser and Jill Spilman wanted nothing to do with the protests. They were both pictured alone, with one another, or with an interpreter. Neither Spilman nor Zinser knew sign language. There is an image of Zinser signing 'I love you', one of the very few learned signs. This image is important because she wasn't signing it to anyone within a conversation, instead she was using it more as a symbol. The pictures of Spilman and Zinser being alone go against the unified front the protesters made. It is thought that Deaf President Now gained so much acceptance from everyone, that ranged ranging from the media to the public, is due to the idea that of standing with disabled communities within a nondisabled society.

- The content in this major edit though is very organized and I like how it flows and where the. two paragraphs separate. They convey the message very clearly but also have the separate sections that focus on specific aspects of the information.

Overall Impressions
- I think that the content adds another side to the story so to say or maybe just another aspect of the story that may not be told very often and it is a great extension of the article. Also the minor edits are good and clear things up or fix grammar so those are also great. Just the few minor edits I suggested and more additions if there is any more information would be the only way to make it better.

- Like I said above the strengths of the content added are that it is a whole new aspect of the subject and the weaknesses or fixes to it are mostly just grammar errors but the actual context of the added information is great.