User:Merrill248/Discrimination in Education/Cgwilliams327 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Merrill248


 * Link to draft you're reviewing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Merrill248/Discrimination_in_Education?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Discrimination in education



Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: The lead from the original article could include more information and scholarly support for clarity. For example, is discrimination a violation of human rights worldwide or nationally? Under which laws or regulations is this abided? Additionally, the grammar and syntax in the first sentence needs correction.

Content: Depending on what route you intend to take, you could create more balance by including research on a non-western country in comparison to the vast amount of information on the United States, edit existing information, or incorporate more comprehensive definitions of one or more of the various categories of discrimination in schools including race, age (particularly in college settings), gender, sexual orientation, physical ability, neurodiversity, socioeconomic status, religion, etc.

Tone and Balance: The tone of the article shifts between neutrality and bias through the overrepresentation of information on discrimination in the United States. This information could either be cut back and made more concise, or more information could be added to the other countries by including sources from authors in those regions.

Sources and References: There is an abundance of information that requires citations and more developed research. Particularly in the section on the United States, there are multiple "blanket-statements" without elaboration or data to support the claims being made. If you choose to review this section, diversity the source material and remove MLA formatted citations.

Organization: The grammar and structure of particular sections need improvement. In other words, there are areas of information that are unclear on account of grammar and the organization of information for each topic lacks structure. Depending on what you intend to include or edit, make sure there are clear transitions between each thought and the relevance as to why that information is important is elaborated.

Images and Media: Images showing statistical data and rates of discrimination in schools could be included. Additionally, a map showing the levels of discrimination in schools across different countries would be useful to illuminate discrimination as a global issue.