User:Miadeck2021/Equality and Human Rights Commission/"psithurism311" Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Original article "Equality and Human Rights Commission"


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Equality and Human Rights Commission


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Equality and Human Rights Commission

Evaluate the drafted changes
This article's lead section is missing some inline citations as well as issues with redundant wording between the paragraphs. The third paragraph in the lead section also has some awkward wording. The information would benefit from a better word choice. Under the subtopic of "Powers" there is improper use of tone already stated that needs to be changed and board terms leave this section feeling confusing. The subtopic section of "International Status" uses way too many acronyms that would leave an unfamiliar reader confused about the topic or issue. This section also has some awkward uses of preposition phases. The subtopic section of "Under Operations" is missing citations as stated. "Metropolitan Police Service" subsection seems to not contain enough information about the topic. It leaves the reader without a clear understanding of issues and concerns. "Inequality" subtopic also has repeated wording and awkward phrases. Not enough information is given for the subtopic of "Windrush Scandal" leaving the reader with questions about the outcome, like what happened? Citations numbers four, eight, nine, and twenty-four are linked to existing Wikipedia articles that should not be used as a reference. Citation number six is out of date.

Overall, I felt like this article was confusing. I was unaware of equality and human right laws in England and after reading this article it still made me feel that way, which I could do more on my part to learn about this topic and gain a better understanding but not from here. Therefore my review could partly be my lack of understanding and a lack of syntax on the writers part. This is a difficult topic to incorporate pictures within but maybe some type of visual aid could help give the reader a better understanding, maps, pictures of people who are stated in the subject field.